here

So I'm here. It's been a really long couple of days and for the first time this morning, I am feeling a little more present. Driving up to St. Andrews was amazing. Despite Dad's continued insistence on multi-tasking while driving (Eating, fidgeting with buttons) and occasionally swerving onto the shoulder, the route in our upgraded Mercedes station wagon was seriously unbelievable-- and we didn't even take the scenic beach route. It was sunny and bright and brisk. Just perfect. 


Though once we got into town, other than how much I loved it, it just really sank in how young everyone is. I think I'd been somehow tricking myself into thinking I'd be living in some post-graduate paradise. But yeah, as I did actually KNOW, it's a whole lot of undergraduates. (I feel like I have a much greater respect for what it must have been like for the grad students at Rice now... oh.)


I suppose I just feel like I missed the welcome wagon a bit. Everyone already seems settled even though I'm only 2 days late and the information is not really free flowing. You know how much I hate to ask for help on things, but even the things I've asked about, people don't quite seem to know. Such as, why I'm assigned to an all male bathroom? Or in general just what's the deal with those? That's where I was directed, but I was never actually assigned. Maybe I'm more modest than I had originally believed myself to be, but I'm extremely uncomfortable. I've only seen men in that washroom and they've looked at me like I was crazy to be in there. So I haven't yet been able to take a shower. And I try to sneak in there late at night when no one is in there so I can even use the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and washed my face in the kitchen. 


So when I had hoped to feel excited and ready to take off, instead I felt a little bit lost and...just exposed...even to the point where I didn't want to post anything here for a while because... well I guess it's hard to say why... I guess exposure. Or protection. That when all the other elements of my privacy seem to be stripped away, I needed to hold on to some others. 


I suppose that's part of going back into this kind of living environment. I remember having a difficult transition with it at Rice as well. Being alone amidst people and alone alone. 


On the upside, I feel better after getting some sleep and I woke up to this: