Hey. Yes, this site is still a thing. Kinda.

Three years you say? Yeah. It's been that long. There are reasons. And there are reasons I'm back. Some fun, some practical.  I'll admit that a huge portion of why I'm immediately back today, right now,  is because the time it takes me to post this will save me enormous amounts of time answering people who write to Steven and me about sheet music.

SHEET MUSIC CAN NOW BE PURCHASED at WWW.RYANNFERGUSON.COM

I don't know if I'm going to keep this space here or roll it over into a new website I'm very ambivalent about making. TBD on that.

I don't live in Scotland anymore and my work keeps me in LA more than I'd like. But I have done some fun stuff I haven't written about on here, but have written about, or would like to write about more. So maybe I'll do that.

But I did get married. (A lot fo people got married. I'll post about that too.)
I married a Scot, so... I know what you're thinking... it's what I'm thinking too. That door is open again.
And the longer Donald Trump remains the president, the more I think about it.
But then Brexit.
So... ???

Like anyone's 3 years, a lot happened in my last three years. Really tent pole stuff that fully swung the pendulum from the very worst (Trump, rapists on the Supreme Court, deaths) to the very very best. 

I wrote a lot more TV shows
I pitched them with Autumn to crazy cool places like HBO and NBC and here there and everywhere
We got an agent we were really excited about!
It turns out he sucked and actively undermined us for jobs. 
(He was also quite patronizing and told us we wouldn't get a job because we were white and no one was allowed to get on the ladder in Hollywood anymore if you were white, even if we were women.)
I wrote (or finally finished, really) a new musical with Steven. 
I finished my novel and got a cool new agent for that. 
My husband and I went through an expensive and invasive visa process. I'll write more about this. Hey immigration hound Repubs out there: if you think it's "too easy" to immigrate to the US, YOU'RE WRONG. Legally, illegally, it's all very difficult. 
The implication from my Repub family members is, "Well Jon's okay because he's my husband, or because he's Scottish..." aka he's white and not from one of those "shithole" countries their president always talks about. Newsflash: THAT'S RACIST.
My favorite artist/musician in the world killed himself. He did exactly what he described doing in one of his songs. It was heartbreaking and I'm still more upset about it than it feels prudent to be, but there you have it. 

Most of the time, I really don't feel like talking to people. Anyone. But then, something about all this does make me want to talk about it. At least here. In this way. How I used to. 

For now,  Hello again.
Am I here? Of course I am, yes.
All I need is your hand to pull me out again.

You had best believe that you cannot build what I don't need

Rare thunderstorms in LA are ushering me to Britain today. 

My itinerary-- a year in the making-- has me feeling a bit shot out of a cannon, but is entirely my own doing. I haven't been back to Scotland since the day I got on the bus in that last wind down to the end. I had that taste of London on the way back from Africa, and I'll admit I still associate the place with the only thing in my life I've ever felt like I failed at. I cried on the circle in. I have felt and still feel a rough letting go of that place and the life I saw for myself there. 

It becomes more complicated the more entrenched I get in my LA life; the more I love it. 

As I cross over anniversaries and milestones, unremarked upon, the more I am having to redefine myself against the hardline definitions I had of myself earlier in my life. I can say to myself now--- you've been away from New  York as long as you were ever there. Why do you still consider yourself a New Yorker? You don't really miss it, you only miss Europe. But LA... 

I still feel torn about my intent. My intent to live as one or many of the incarnations of myself. 

I'm scared of falling out of my life here by being gone so long. I'm scared of missing an opportunity that I've painstakingly built a foundation for here. 

I'm scared it's still not enough time to be in any of the places I'm going to settle into the rhythm. Scared it's not enough time to catch back that magic of my life there. I'm scared that the way I was there will be at odds with the way I am now and I won't be able to reconcile them. I'm scared my practice will fall off and I won't chant because of time, and mindset, and my friends' hard disbelief in Buddhism. 

But CHVRCHES has got my back. Giving us all a new song to sing me to Scotland. And a new album this September 25 -- Every Open Eye. 

And I'm going to give it my best go to report to whatever readers are left here. I can't guarantee I'll be able to. I can't guarantee I'll have anything or anything worthwhile to say. But if I do, I'll be here. Hope to see you.

Onward. To the East and to the North. To London, Edinburgh, Bamff, Skye, Uist, Geneva, Provence, Lugano and everywhere in between, to Dublin, to Clare and back again. 

Monkey Sanctuary - Excerpt

Why hello. Nice to see you again. Nice to have something I wanted to put here. There is much to tell, actually, but now isn't the right time. Right now, I am thinking about the one year anniversary of my very interesting sojourn to Ghana. A year ago right now, I was just settling into my second full day. None of what I'm about to tell you had happened yet.

I've been working on this "short" story for a year. Even in the Accra airport, I began to write this down in notebooks, along with the almost overwhelming amount of emotional and physical information I had taken in over the two weeks.

I can't share everything with you here. But I did want to give you a little taste.

Just for context, here's the blurb:

Somewhere between rekindling a trans-atlantic romance and calling it quits for good, a couple tries a new locale on holiday in Ghana’s Cape Coast. At an isolated nature reserve, an eccentric Dutch couple reveals more than anyone bargained for about our biological evolution when we choose to stay together.

And here is the text! A nice non-emotional, yet meatier middle chunk of 

MONKEY SANCTUARY.

Forty-five minutes later, they were still in the car on the way to the monkey reserve that was “right up the road.”

Casey had underestimated how big Ghana was. Almost everything they said was "close" ended up being an hour drive at least. Maybe it was all the extra police stops you had to make. Every few miles, the police in navy and light blue camo (She couldn’t quite see the point in that particular camo) would pull over every car and inspect. Gordon would warn her each time to hide any electronics. (“They’ll take it. They’ll find a reason to take it.”)

Or maybe everything took so long because-- with the exception of the George W. Bush Expressway, ironically enough, both “The Best Road in All of Africa,” but also simply the best road in all of Africa--  the roads were all so bad.

In LA, the roads always failed at the edges. In Ghana, every road seemed to have huge, craggy chunks pulled up in the middle that had to be sharply swerved around—a kind of alien asphalt phlegm that Ghana kept trying to cough up. The center literally would not hold.

Music Monday - Madness & The Film

Normally, when it comes to friending strangers, I am the one who knocks. And normally, it's on the subway. Planes are good too, though. And in this particular case, I wasn't even the chatty blonde doing the friending. That was all David Breeze. Well, maybe not ALL. 

On a flight from NYC back to London-- a flight I NEVER should have made...I STILL can't believe I talked my way onto that flight, I was so late-- I was seated next to the friendliest, most America-loving Brit currently living. Even though I had taken a sleeping pill right before he sat down (as is my usual pre-flight ritual) we ended up talking the whole 8 hours.

And we are still friends to this day! Despite frequent moves and job changes on both our parts, and that one time where I threw up on the street in front of him, (whoops!) he still comes to see me! In fact, it's almost like he's following me. (Just kidding.) We've hung out in NYC when we both lived there, and now we rock it Cali style. Funnily enough, the one place we've never hung out is London. But I digress.

While living in New York, David became friends and later band mates with the young Caroline Gorman. And by young, I mean 17. They recorded an EP that's getting more press than you can shake a stick at-- I'm talking New York Times, New York Magazine, and 2 songs (TWO!) featured on the MTV show, Friendzone that aired last week. 

You can stream and download Madness & The Film's EP, Scrapbook, for free. But don't let that stop you from buying it, either. Because... support the arts, people. Even banking honchos are realizing it's important. 

Photo by Kristin Hoebermann, Hoebermann Studios

Washed Out - Parascosm - August

Summer just feels lacking if there's not a Washed Out record. I'm sad we'll have to wait until Summer's almost over to have this new one, Paracosm. 

I grew up spending summers with the Sextons and the Greenes in Perry. Blair, Ernie's now wife, and her family are responsible for some of my favorite childhood memories. Her grandmother, Billie, is almost as important to my juvenile education as my own grandmother.  

I'm happy for this little teaser video, but wish we could have a little more to go on. A single perhaps? Either way, we know Ernie's experimenting with a lot more instruments. Fifty, from what I'm told. Maybe I'll write and ask for an advance copy...winkwink. Let the summer begin! I think I'm going to blast some "Amor Fati" on my way down PCH to Pacific Palisades today. Pool Party!

Happy Memorial Day, everyone!

London 1927

I think about place and belonging a lot. I often feel out of place. Or caught, maybe is a better word, between two (or more!) places. Not part of this, not wholly a part of that. And I suppose time and timing is another big component of the idea of "place" especially as it pertains to belonging. 

Perhaps my London near-miss of a life was all to do with timing. I wonder what it would be like if I went back now, or a year from now. And while I think living in London in 1927 might be a bit out of the realm of possibility, it's nice to daydream about-- especially if this footage of the Big Smoke from British film pioneer Claude Friese-Greene is any indication. 

The captions are almost as lovely as the footage. And in case you love the song as much as I do, it's "Parasol" by British indie-rock collective, Jonquil. 

Shaping Sound Tour Video Series

Here's some of what I've been working hard on the past few weeks. It's been so inspirational to watch this tour come together so far-- to see the hard work and creative energy put into something that I think will really amaze audiences. It's been nice to make these new friends. 

The first (of seven) videos I'll be doing documenting the tour got 3,000 hits in the first 24 hours it was up and the numbers keep climbing. This group of dancers deserves as many fans as the internet and theatres can accomodate. Stay with us as we keep moving forward towards their first National Tour!

Get tickets here! And join the conversation on twitter with #shapingsoundco. Don't forget to follow, either @shapingsoundco

Music Monday - Still Corners

Some pretty rad options have my summer plans a bit up in air. It's nice to know whatever happens is going to be a fun and new experience for me. One of those things may have me out of town fro while. Which would be hilarious, considering all the trouble I went to to finally get CHVRCHES tickets (I love a challenge!) and the concert would be while I'm out of town.

But assuming I'm in LA, on May 31, I'll get to also see this London group, Still Corners, as an opener. I heard buzz about them last year while living in London and I'm glad I finally have an excuse to check out Tessa Chambers and Greg Hughes promote their new album, Strange Pleasures.

Hope you're having a great Monday!

Music Monday - Morgan Karr - Yellow Skies

You guys, I'm back in Los Angeles and the sun is shining! Speaking of bright Yellow Skies, my little Morgana has a new EP out called just that. I think it's Morgan's best work to date and I'm so happy he's really coming into his own here in LA. I was sad to miss his EP launch because I was back in old stomping ground all week. 

One little detail about Morgan that I always file away as a little reminder of how much I love him is this: during VOTE! rehearsals the summer we were at Minetta (aka, the summer I almost died) there was one night where Morgan and I shared a slightly inebriated cab ride. He had been keeping a journal as Mark, the character he played (and my favorite character) in VOTE! and he just read to me from it. It was so trippy and wonderful. 

He keeps those little lovable details coming non-stop. Like this little gem-- he says this record is for anyone who ever held fear too tightly. 

You can buy Yellow Skies here. You can get a free download here. Plus! Cool remixy thing. And he's got an LA/Venice show coming up soon too. Check it. I just love you, Morgan Karr!

Frightened Rabbit - Pedestrian Verse

Frightened Rabbit will always remind me of the North Sea. And those first, best, months in Scotland. It still feels like I've just left, when actually, I'm rounding the corner of a half a year gone. So just in time, Frightened Rabbit comes along with a new album, Pedestrian Verse. The single "Dead Now" seems like an interesting departure for them. But I also heard, "Late March, Death March" on NPR the other day and loved it.

They're offering a little preview of Pedestrian Verse on their website for anyone who's already purchased one of their albums. My hand has lingered on pulling the pre-order trigger because I can't decide if I want it on vinyl. Decisions!!

Other fans here in LA can catch them March 13 at the Music Box. I'm pretty set on going. Anyone wanna go with me? Lofgren? West Coast trip?

Here are the songs I mentioned and a cool tour video from their trek through the Highlands. 

Following Steve McCurry & The Last Ever Kodachrome Quest

Thirty-six frames and out. I've talked before about Steve McCurry being bequeathed the last ever roll of Kodachrome film.  I've been writing about contemporary art in Istanbul lately for a freelance job and so of course, this melancholy story is coming full circle for me. 

The prints from Steve McCurry's Kodachrome finale were recently on display at the Istanbul Modern. (Also on McCurry's website.) DeNiro, New York, India!

But most especially, NOW there is a new documentary about the experience, from National Geographic-- the organization that helped to make Steve McCurry famous when they put his Afghan Girl on the cover. Check it out, ya'll. Kodachrome may be dead, but the stories aren't.

Abandoned Nevada

When I was growing up and my grandmother would drive me all over the deep south in search of all Gone with the Wind related historical sites of interest, I was always deeply and adolescently moved by abandoned buildings. Perhaps it was just the feeling of connection to a physical manifestation of all my abandonment issues. (!) I'm still drawn by that mood. How many posts have I done on abandoned buildings like theatres? Or this in Scotland? But when I was an angst-y adolescent, it was too big to be contained. I wanted to do a book of photographs with that feeling. 

Too bad I didn't know at age 10 that Sally Mann was already doing it way better than I ever could have. But, listen, Nevada holds its own on the ghost town front. From derelict boom towns to discarded neon graveyards, Nevada knows how to love 'em and leave 'em better any pretty much anybody. 

Buzzfeed did this nice (if a little bright) photo aggregate and I just keep going back to this haunting pic (above) my friend and fellow Nevada writer turned New York writer Foster Kamer posted on a recent trip back home. I like to look and just get the sad out. 

Home in Hollywood for the Holidays

Many of you have very kindly asked me about my new apartment and its on-going decorating. Well, I'm finally able to show you some of the lovely professional photos taken by Airbnb photographer Alex Staniloff. I'm still not 'done,' but I love my little place! 

It can be exciting (of course) moving all the time. But it's also melancholy and a little lonely. Nesting is the best part. Sharing it is the best part. 

Kinetic Edinburgh

Heavens, I miss this beautiful city! From the initial success of professor Walid Salhab's first Kinetic Edinburgh video, featured on BBC, to his latest effort-- a new time-lapse video of Edinburgh in winter-- Salhab shows why Edinburgh is hands down one of the most beautiful cities in the world. He calls the newest video a "Christmas present to Edinburgh's residents and those around the world that love Scotland's capital."

I'm not sure about his music choices, but oh, those views! And under the snow! For more click here and here. 

Photo is by my friend, George Ferns. 

In The Wind - Lord Huron

This. On repeat.

What does this sound like? This is the sound of everywhere I've been so far. With the promise of everywhere I'm still going to go. 

No Time To Rest. I'm Gonna Find Me a Life, Baby, Way Out West

Somehow, today feels a bit like a sad day, the day all my stuff arrives to my house from London. Like it wasn't officially over until now. Like I might go back, or like maybe all my stuff was still back in the UK waiting for me. But it's here in Los Angeles. In my perfect little apartment. 

And even though I feel better sitting at this big, sturdy desk, looking out my windows while I write than just about anywhere, today, my time as a gypsy and world traveler feels over. 

I don't feel like this all the time. But some songs, some shows, when the weather is chilly and damp and grey like it is today. And my house is cold because I can't figure out where the heat is in this LA apartment-- hadn't really seemed like a big priority to ask my landlord. 

But there's no time to be sad. No time to rest. I'm gonna find me a life, baby, way out west. 

In any case, here are your links:

- Downton just sort of makes me sad. 
- This is one of the most amazing ideas ever. 
- Boom. 
- Love the Matildas. One of my favorite shows ever. 
- I want this jacket. 
- This insignia jewelry is purrrrty.
- Gray Malin in Hollywood.
- One of the prettiest single malt bottles I've ever seen. Wonder if Balblair is tasty. Anyone? 
- Just in case. This still feels relevant. 

Have Jetta, Will Travel

Will you forgive me, dear readers, if today I'm kind of boring and just post a picture of my new car? At least it's not some pretentious car.... like some people have been known to do... RIGHT?? 

It's been a big day. And I'm happy to report that I have regained my driver's license after the worst administrative nightmare of my life and am the prouder owner of an adorable candy white Jetta with tan interior. I'm really exhausted from the anticipation, really. And very very thankful for family and friends who support me, who've housed me, and chauffeured me around. Hollywood is really happening now. But first, I'd like to pick some friends up and just drive. 

Happy 217th Birthday, John Keats

Happy Birthday to the jewel in my nerd crown, Mr. John Keats. Today is his 217th birthday and I've been saving talking about my experience at his house in Rome for today. 

Essentially, the Keats- Shelley Museum was the primary reason for my desire to go to Rome. I knew I'd love the whole place, but that was the main event. What I came to see. I find connecting to the artists I love gives me clarity. I wanted to see Keats' things. Be in the room where he wrote and where he died. (His death and illness being such a huge well of gravity for his persona and his writings.) I'd already been to the Keats House in Hampstead, but something about this felt more important. I'm not quite sure why. 

Trusty flatmate Fiona indulged my nerdery and I just took my time in the building, looking over his letters to Fanny, his handwriting, his watch, various comic book interpretations of some of his more epic poems. There was a lock of his hair there too and I was surprised to see his hair was blonder than most renderings of him let on. 

I believe there is a soul to buildings. And I could feel the soul of this place. The legacy of those who lived and died there and a kind of cool quiet in contrast to the bustling Spanish Plaza and famous Spanish Steps just outside. There is a steadfast energy to the place. The kind Keats himself so much admired.

Of course I loved all of Rome. But if I had only gone to see my man Keatsy's last domain, it would have been worth it. Happy 217th!

One Thousand

Almost three years and one thousand posts later, I'm still at this thing. Every time I think it has run its course, something new will come along to revive my dedication. Normally, it's got something to do with connecting to you lovely folks who read. 

Every move I make has felt very consequential. For a long time now. One time, my wonderful friend Betsy said, "It's kind of exhausting living an 'epic' life all the time isn't it?" And of course, my answer was YES. I'm looking forward to some routine. A little less epic and little more just enjoying the consequences of all those decisions I've been making. 

That's what this blog is supposed to be all about anyhow. Enjoying my pursuit of culture through the five cities I've lived in during the last two years, the miles I've racked up-- Scotland, England, Wales, France, Spain, Portugal, Ireland, Italy, Canada-- when I sometimes feel regret, when I make the list like that, or when I scan back over this blog, there's at least one thousand reasons why everything I've done in the last two years was exactly what I needed. 

This blog obviously changes each time I change locales. The name stays the same. Here's why: that decision, the sort-of secret I revealed in my very first post, and my time in Fife is going to inform my life no matter where I live it for a very long time. The attitudes I developed, the people I met, the debt I incurred, the confidence I gained, the ideas of myself I lost. Some choices have more weight than others. If a picture is worth a thousand words, I'm thinking today about all the things worth one thousand posts. 

Hope your'e having a great Sunday-- New Yorkers, stay safe! 

Vegas Road Trip Friday Links

Today I have the great honor of showing a Brit the wonderment that is Las Vegas. Even though we'll be there less than 24 hours, I'm excited to see my Tigerlily, my Emily and my Dad. I'm excited to begin steps (again) for getting my driver's license back. I'm excited to show people the Elvis Museum. Here are your links.

- My college prof/friend/mentor's new book comes out. Nice when the Times does a feature.
- Becoming a stylish writer
- Or! Just say whatever the hell you want. Then take it back. Works for this guy.
- This was good. I went to a University with the good sense to skip fraternities, but I get it. 
- I wholeheartedly agree with this in the nerdiest way possible.
- Milo Greene at the Wythe Hotel
- Forget your past