You had best believe that you cannot build what I don't need

Rare thunderstorms in LA are ushering me to Britain today. 

My itinerary-- a year in the making-- has me feeling a bit shot out of a cannon, but is entirely my own doing. I haven't been back to Scotland since the day I got on the bus in that last wind down to the end. I had that taste of London on the way back from Africa, and I'll admit I still associate the place with the only thing in my life I've ever felt like I failed at. I cried on the circle in. I have felt and still feel a rough letting go of that place and the life I saw for myself there. 

It becomes more complicated the more entrenched I get in my LA life; the more I love it. 

As I cross over anniversaries and milestones, unremarked upon, the more I am having to redefine myself against the hardline definitions I had of myself earlier in my life. I can say to myself now--- you've been away from New  York as long as you were ever there. Why do you still consider yourself a New Yorker? You don't really miss it, you only miss Europe. But LA... 

I still feel torn about my intent. My intent to live as one or many of the incarnations of myself. 

I'm scared of falling out of my life here by being gone so long. I'm scared of missing an opportunity that I've painstakingly built a foundation for here. 

I'm scared it's still not enough time to be in any of the places I'm going to settle into the rhythm. Scared it's not enough time to catch back that magic of my life there. I'm scared that the way I was there will be at odds with the way I am now and I won't be able to reconcile them. I'm scared my practice will fall off and I won't chant because of time, and mindset, and my friends' hard disbelief in Buddhism. 

But CHVRCHES has got my back. Giving us all a new song to sing me to Scotland. And a new album this September 25 -- Every Open Eye. 

And I'm going to give it my best go to report to whatever readers are left here. I can't guarantee I'll be able to. I can't guarantee I'll have anything or anything worthwhile to say. But if I do, I'll be here. Hope to see you.

Onward. To the East and to the North. To London, Edinburgh, Bamff, Skye, Uist, Geneva, Provence, Lugano and everywhere in between, to Dublin, to Clare and back again. 

En Puntas - Javier Perez - Knife Ballerina

You guys. I am reading a disturbing book at the moment and feeling a lot of feelings. So is Amelie Segarra in this amazing performance En Puntas. Certainly, it is the point of art to provoke feelings, and to illicit a kind of visceral reaction. But with our level on inundation, how often does that really happen? Rarely. Even for me. And I'm ripe for the picking. I'm basically standing, waving my arms up and down and begging for you to manipulate my emotions!

Which is why it's so nice to see something that actually blows my hair back... or in this case, makes me gasp and clutch at my throat. No reaction I thought I would have from what I assumed was nothing more than a visual statement. OH NO, my friends. That is a sore underestimation. 

Watch for yourself Spanish artist Javier Perez's beautiful, arresting video. And his others. 

Javier Pérez - EN PUNTAS (extracts) from Javier Pérez on Vimeo.

Keep.Com Friday Links

This was a week of rebalancing for me, and it felt good. I normalized some routines, switched some up, made chili and baked an almond apple whisky crumble for friends and neighbors that was delicious, got locked out of my apartment and hung out with my neighbor Camellia who turned me on to some new music, decided to seriously shake up my bedroom (turns out it's gonna be like zero work,) deleted my okcupid profile (again) and started to allow myself to get excited about the workshop of Nicholas & Alexandra later this month. Huzzah!

Each changing of the seasons is a dual re-set, renew. Both normalizing and radicalizing, if necessary. Duality is good. 

Here are your links.

- The Painted Ladies of LA
- Even more reasons to love it here: Taco Day!
- I'm a fan of almost all of these 20' slang terms. "Bank's Closed, Guys!"
- This chair.
- Bullfighting in France
- Did I already post this? It's the scariest thing I've ever read about being a mother in the US
- Scottish children portraits! (I'm kind of tempted to buy these??)
- Writers on failure.
- Subscribe to this amazing Vimeo channel
- This is amazing. How Rhett Butler was the original Silver Lake Hipster.

- This has been making the rounds. And I super agree. Hocus Pocus is the best! And I'm not just saying that because I'm going to Vinessa's house later. Hey, girl!

- Keep.com. I love it! It's like pinterest, but with a built in purchasing mechanism like luvocracy. My bank account might not love it as much as my brain does. 

Nils Frahm: Live in concert from Louisiana Channel on Vimeo.

REIGN Takes on Mary Queen of Scots

Let's just say that the mixture of excitement and extreme skepticism I feel about CW's Reign, the quote unquote untold story of Mary Queen of Scots rise to power, mirrors my feelings when I found out they were turning Gone with the Wind into a musical. (And I don't just mean annoyance that I'm not the one writing it!)

As you know, it's tough to say which I love more: musicals or Gone with the Wind. Costume dramas or Scotland (and esp. the problematic Mary Stuart). HOWEVER. To use the comparison I used back in the day for GWTW musical, it's like introducing your childhood best friend to your best friend from college. You love them both. They're both AMAZING. And yet, you have the nagging suspicion that they are NOT going to get along. (Spoiler alert: GWTW as a musical was about as bad as it gets.)

So, I mean, listen. Almost everything about this show is historically inaccurate. Like, everything. To the point that it's not even worth detailing all the many and egregious inaccuracies. And while, I'm mostly ok with that, I'm not thrilled about the casting. I like Adelaide Kane kind of, ya know, in general. But I just am not digging her as Mary (wrong coloring entirely!). I'm really not thrilled about the men. I don't mind making Francis kind of hot. But just... I dunno. Maybe they'll grow on me. And, I know it's not the history channel. It's the CW. That's fine. 

And OBVS, despite my misgivings, I'm still going to watch the shit out of this show. 

The most appealing factor, based on the below extended preview is Mary's relationship with the very historically accurate 4 Marys (Beaton, Seton, Fleming & Livingston, though in Reign, they're condensed to 3 and given insane names like Kenna and Greer) which lasted throughout her life. I like the idea of these 5 (4) women navigating the waters together. 

The least appealing things I can surmise from the below is 
1. Please get someone else doing your copywriting for those text tags in the promos. They are ominous, but do not even make sense.
2. Why do all the French people sound just plain old British? I mean, I guess really they're all speaking French including her, because that's her first language,  in which case British is just the standard, okay. It's murky territory, but it bugs me. I'll elaborate further once I see how they handle some things re: using French at all. 

Reign premieres Oct. 17 at 9 p.m. on the CW.

Giada - Inaugural Issue FREE

Hey everyone! So part of why I haven't been around as much these days is that I've been working on some other projects that are similar, but far more lucrative and have way more readers. (Props to you, core group of awesome ones, though.)

And one of those things launches TODAY! The inaugural issue of Giada, a digital weekly is available for FREE for your ipad in the itunes store. It's coming soon to other digital platforms. But for now, if you have an ipad, please give it a try. 

There's tons of amazingly delicious Giada recipes, music playlists, style and beauty tips, and tons and tons of travel stories so you too can live the good life. I've tasted these recipes, I've seen these tips in action, and I can tell you... WORTH YOUR TIME.

I want to be Giada when I grow up and this emag will make you want to as well. Super thanks to everyone involved for the opportunity to be a part of this. (Especially you, Ashley Reed!) 

Launching things, being there when it all starts is my most favorite part of life and especially of any sort of artistic/professional experience. With all your help, this can be the start of something really fun and special. We'll keep working hard; you keep reading. 

Celebrating McC

Last week, we had a massive two-day celebration of McC's 30th. Her whole family was in town and we feasted at Eveleigh (can you say #chickensalmonsteak?!?) where I successfully ran the gauntlet between tequila, wine and bourbon. We also bobbed and weaved through samplings of chicken, salmon, AND steak-- as well as jalapeno peppers, radishes, salads and potatoes. AND. Donuts AND Cookies. 

If we've learned nothing in our 30+ years, McC, I think we can all agree it's this: More is more. 
(Well, and wait & see, please don't murder me and SIGH.)

Thanks for driving that point (and all those points, actually) home, Eveleigh. I could have eaten those donuts until I died from a diabetic insulin spike. 

We continued the next night in our own fire pit enclave of The Roof at Hotel Wilshire with one of the most beautiful views I've ever seen. No one even threw McC in the pool! Let's do this every year!

Tigerlily is THREE

Happy third birthday to my favorite human, the one and only Miss Tigerlily. No one on Earth makes me as happy, as easily as this crazy girl. I was with her on her actual BIRTH day, and I'm wishing we could hang out an invite some fictional characters to a tea party on military time today. But alas, duty calls. Rain check, Tigs! Hope your costume for the day is extra wacky!

Like The Ceiling Can't Hold Us - Pete & Suzie's Wedding

As you may have gathered, I've been to many, many weddings. MANY. Between 2003 and 2005, I went to 26 weddings in 24 months. And the hits just kept coming as I got older. But this little shindig was one of the loveliest and most packed with adorable details of any that I've attended. And one of the only weddings where I didn't have to travel! What a fun night! 

Food trucks, local jams, streamers and swirly straws, personalized chalkboard mason jar drinking glass labels and a venue with killer ambience. (I don't just mean the perfect LA sunset lighting and exposed brick. This was hardcore LA at its finest. I'm talking hoopties with floor-pounding bass rolling by during the vows.) All this, plus the most unbelievably statuesque bride, and what you had was and unforgettable night. The actual manifestation of the coolest Pinterest board, only better because it had my friends. 

Pete & Suz, I love you guys! I was so honored to be there celebrating young and life-long love! 

I'm gonna dance to this & this today and remember how fun Saturday night was. And all my people say Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah.... like the ceiling can't hold us. 

Wedding!

Let's get Pete & Suzie married!

Shaping Sound's Jaimie Goodwin & Derek Hough on DWTS

A lot of my work with Shaping Sound has been focused on the four co-director boys, but it's time I give a shout out to at least one of the ladies. They are all beautiful and amazingly talented. Last night provides an apt opportunity to show off the leading lady of Shaping Sound, Jaimie Goodwin. The entire tour show is based on the idea of Jaimie's dream. But last night, she danced in a crazy, topsy-turvy world with Derek Hough on Dancing With the Stars to Kerli's song, "Walking on Air."

Le Sigh. So good. Happy hump day. 

Replug into Poetry Friday Links

Hands down, this was the busiest week I've had since choosing to go to work for myself. There seems to be some kind of strange axiom of the universe that everything happens, is due, requires your attention all in the same window of time. 

I'd always rather be busy than bored, but ooh boy, this week was timed within an inch of its life. It even cut into my leisurely breakfast time and Griffith Park time-- aka-- my favorite parts of living. On the up side, so many exciting projects going on though and I'm so honored and inspired to be a part of them. 

Luckily, I was also able to squeeze in a trip to a poetry potluck on Wednesday night. When I'm away from communities like the one I had at St. Andrews, I feel like I'm leading an alternate life. I feel like I have many alternate lives. Like an undercover agent or something. But then I plug back into one of those other sides of myself and I'm reawakened. 

Hearing everyone's poems on Wednesday was so needed. I even read one of my own. And it was nice to be open to more American poets. I've definitely been largely unplugged from them the past few years. And yet. American poets make me long for British poets. Who are the soul of my soul. Leaving the potluck, all I wanted to do was listen to Simon Armitage read Mist. And so I promptly took a moment to myself and did. 

If you need a moment in the chaos, I recommend you do so as well. 
Here are your links. 

- Kate Walsh on succeeding after 35. 
- I sent this to Torcuil. My most favorite primitive hunter-mystic.
- Speaking of Scottish men.
- Anne Carson.
- Cool NYC art project!
- Innnnnteresting. 
- More on creative people! Like seriously, what's wrong with us?
- Happy 67th Birthday, John Waters! Here' 67 quotes.
- Stop saying the wrong thing.
- Cool Forbes write up of my homey Mark Fisher's Fitness Empire. 
- More Claire Vaye Watkins!
- This list is a travesty. Jon Snow only the 17th hottest man on GoT? LIES. 
- RIP George Jones. 

This. 

This Week Felt Like This - Stars - Your Ex-Lover Is Dead

After a week spent in a fictional revolution, in chaos, in shock, in the air, in rehearsals, in awe, in despair, in gratitude, I am returning to this song, which is one of my favorite numbers from the upcoming Shaping Sound tour. Watching dancers apply energy to this. I wish you could see what I've seen all week. Soon you will. This is how I feel about this week. Get it all out. 

Stars - Your Ex-Lover Is Dead from Arts & Crafts on Vimeo.

What is going on? Friday Links

What is going on out there, you guys? I'm having a lot of feelings. Personally, so much is going right for me... it makes me feel a tad guilty to feel it all. I get sucked back into the feeling I've had so often for the past few years that things were so bad out there, it became a conflict to feel personally happy. 

I know that's not advisable, or even possible, but it's a very heavy pull to resist. I'm not sure anyone realizes how much time I spend thinking about safety, danger, and terrorism. Both personally and professionally. In addition to my own traumas, I've literally spent years living in the emotional world of my characters where Russian terrorism is the heart of their identity. And so much information. It feels like that has seeped into reality and the present day. It's not the truth, it's just how it feels. 

I feel a lot more about these brothers in Boston, but here is not the place for them. Instead, perhaps, it's best to remember how much is going on in the world on all ends of the spectrum. So here are you links:

- I spend a lot of time on this blog.
- Always enjoy a good Elizabeth Warren bank smack down.
- UGH.
- Sylvia Plath's New York. 
- Let's move back to St. Andrews and live here!
- Um... the tunnel people of my hometown? Vegas, who ARE you?
- My fabulous fellow Rice '04 classmate, Caroline Shaw, just won the Pultizer in music!
- A map of NYC's inequality based on subway stop.
- You guys. The English language is rich and diverse. Try harder. Instead of Awesome.

Covering Otis Friday Links

This was one the best weeks I've had in a long, long time. I was sort of starving myself of all the things I loved. There are probably a lot of reasons I do things like that, but I'm going to try to do less of it from now on. Let's listen to some Otis. And reap the gifts of the internets. 

Hope you have a great weekend!

- Best Otis Redding Covers playlist. Boom. 
- Necessary punctuation marks for modern living. I like Andorpersand.
- This is the most adorable item of clothing I've ever seen. 
- This is a sad story. Kate vs. Hilary? Way to be reductive, idiots. Read the essay. 
- Flannery O'Connor: Epiphanies aren't permanent. True. 
- McC was recently charged 6K for a trip to the emergency room to wait for hours and receive no care. Our health care is a joke. 

A Quote For Presidents' Day

Hi. I'm back. Happy Presidents' Day. I'll be more fully back later this week, but in the meantime, in the spirit of today, I wanted to post my favorite quote from Abraham Lincoln. It was always my favorite, but it took on a whole extra layer of emotion and meaning when it was uttered by Ben Whishaw, as Freddie Lyon, one of my all-time favorite television characters, in the Season 2 (and now what appears to be the series as a whole) finale of what might be my favorite television show of all time, The Hour. That episode stays with me still. If you haven't seen The Hour, please find a way to do so. 

And Lincoln, good on ya. Quite the premonition there, Uncle Abe.

“I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country. . . . corporations have been enthroned and an era of corruption in high places will follow, and the money power of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until all wealth is aggregated in a few hands and the Republic is destroyed.”—U.S. President Abraham Lincoln, Nov. 21, 1864 (letter to Col. William F. Elkins) 

This is the scene that immediately follows the Lincoln quote and ends the series. DON'T watch it until you've seen the whole thing. But please please watch this show. 

Today Sounds Like This - Solange - Losing You

So eighties. So awesome. Today was a lovely carefree day worthy of this. Get it, Solange. Also, live.
Also! Remember that one time when Solange was maybe gonna be in VOTE! ??? AHAHAHHA

SMASH Season 2 Premiere - The Fall Out

Hi. I'm back again with the SMASH recapping. No, not the funny ones. That's Rachel Shukert. I'm the painfully earnest one. But I just can't help myself. You can read my thoughts on Part One of the premiere here. Or any of my Season One Recaps from BroadwaySpotted here. Now, onward to part two: The Fallout. 

And indeed, that's what this was. Particularly when held up against that first hour. 

The best thing about the second part of SMASH's season 2 finale was all the Broadway people. In addition to Jeremy Jordan, Andy Mientus & Krysta Rodriguez, this episode gave us Annaleigh Ashford, Mara Davi and the lovely Brynn O'Malley. Not to mention...The Fierstein. 

Tied for the best thing in The Fallout is Megan Hilty's performance of "They Just Keep Movin' The Line." I say her performance and not the song because, the song is just ok for me. And leads me back to a statement I feel I make again and again which is that Bombshell has two of every song. Each song should serve an individual purpose in the show and Bombshell doubles up on all of them. "National Pastime" does the same thing as that Wolf Howl song, and for that matter, also "Let's Be Bad." There are 22 songs in Bombshell-- a musical with basically no book! That's at least a seven too many, as far as I'm concerned. "They Just Keep Moving the Line" feels like one more Marilyn desperation to make it song-- and way more appropriate for Ivy to sing than Marilyn. That being said, I'm glad Ivy sang it. Which is to say, I'm glad Megan Hilty sang it. Because Megan Hilty = butter.

There are also two things tied for the worst thing about The Fallout. (There is also a long list of honorable mentions including the "Would I Lie To You" hallucination number and any moment in which Karen tries to seduce anyone, which we were tortured with again this ep.) 

The first worst is that as bitchy as theatre gets, the president of the American Theatre Wing would never kick Tom, Julia and Eileen out of a dinner. As in, order them to leave. Though, if you're going to portray the woman as a judgmental battle-ax  might as well go straight to Margo Martindale who has never played anything but a snakey, sad, judgmental battle-ax in her entire career. Kind of a weak move. And I was personally offended on behalf of the theatre community. I don't think we'd ever do that. (Anyone with stories to the contrary, please feel free to correct so I can lose that final shred of hope I had for humanity.) Worst thing number two isn't just a problem with The Fallout though. It's a long running problem. Even more than my Julia problem. I mean, at least I HATE her. At least she elicits a response with her unprofessionalism and constant wallowing victimhood. 

But Karen is the dullest thing ever served on white rice. I feel like a broke record with this. Everything with her is a case of show don't tell. They keep on and keep on telling us there's something special about her. Well, I've watched every ep and I sure don't see it. Like when they tell us a song is very good. Nope, you gotta just play the song and let us decide. Everything she sings, every line she says, Kat McPhee just drops it on the floor. She is wasting Jeremy Jordan's sizzle. I hope he continues to make fun of her for the rest of the season. She is walking particle board. Or, to just go ahead and quote Rachel Shukert,  she is "the human equivalent of one of those grocery store peaches that looks like a Cezanne but tastes like the inside of a mattress..."

But on that note, the worst worst thing about The Fallout was its ratings. Only 1.1 million viewers. Let's hope there's no yanking the show. Because I can't wait to see how Jimmy Collins thinks anything will ever happen to his music without the help of actors, directors, producers or audience members. And because what replacement masochistic method could I ever hope to find of this caliber and high production values?

New Duncan Sheik - Lay Down Your Weapons - Free Download

Duncan released a new song today, available for free download off his website. It has a similar vibe to the other stuff he was writing at that time period, while he was touring Indonesia. And it seems to be coming from the same emotional plain. 

One of the things I've always liked best about Duncan is his ability to see how the pieces all connect. And in my life, Duncan has served as a little indicator light for connecting things as well. Whenever he turns up-- be it in person and we chant together, or in music-- I am reminded of my own proclivity and need to step back and see how the way we do one thing is the way we do everything. And to be aware of that. Here is his commentary on the song. You can download it for free here. 

I wrote Lay Down Your Weapons in 2011 while on tour in Indonesia. I have been playing it live during the past couple of tours and there have been many requests that I release some version of it. Because of the the senseless, ongoing gun violence that is plaguing America I felt even more acutely that I wanted this song to be available to anyone who wanted to hear it. The lyric was not written as a political statement and is obviously a metaphor about fraught human relationships but I do feel personally there are many types of weapons out there that need to be “laid down” for good and forever. Thank you for listening.

Amen. 

Lonely But Fabulous Friday Links

What a week. Lots of changes over here. Strangely, I feel better in the wake of recent upheavals on their multiple fronts. I've been doing a lot of taking stock. And I think I've learned some good things moving forward in what I want my days to look like; the rest of my life to look like. I do this a lot, inching towards it bit by bit. Chiseling it down into something that hopefully looks like something. 

Most things have been pushing me towards going it on my own for several years now. Not on my own on my own, but a kind of autonomy or partnership with separate but equal spheres is where I'm sticking to. That's definitely when I'm happiest. I'm looking forward to all the work coming up for Steven and me. I'm looking forward to a slightly reconfigured New York trip. I'm looking forward to long morning hikes at Griffith Park and to having free mental space to finish these scripts. 

There is a luxury to being alone. And I'm going to wallow in it for a bit. 

Here are your links! Have a great weekend!

- My ol' pal Duncan Sheik's "Barely Breathing" featured in the Girls torture chamber. His reaction.
- Best article on SMASH I've ever read. It's juicy. 
- Listen to Frightened Rabbit for free before their album Pedestrian Verse comes out next week. 
- Last lines of all the 30 Rock characters. RIP 30 Rock. 
- I watched The Americans. I don't think it's going to be better than Homeland. 
- Cronin's Confessions of a Liberal Gun Owner in the NYTimes
- Speaking of Cronin, here's what he loves about Houston. 

But I Have Been Privy To Something True...

I remember with utter clarity the moment Sophie first performed "Something Old, Something New" for me. She had just finished it, Mama Louise was consulting on the newest additions, and we were at Bamff in the Morning Room. Everything was cast in a kind of golden/pink light. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. It came to symbolize something. Something old and something new-- and all the "splendid times that would probably ensue." (And they did!) I beamed, still stunned and still wondering how I had fallen into this surreal crevice of people who seemed to be just embracing me all the time. And I remember thinking that I needed to pay attention to this moment because Sophie's album was going to be something so special. So unlike anything in contemporary song writing. 

Looking at the landscape of music during my lifetime, I have a hard time naming many, if any, lyricists who leave their guts on the table the way Sophie does. F. Scott Fitzgerald said that price you pay for doing first rate professional work is that you've got to "sell your heart." Sophie does that and somehow manages to keep it too. She is unflinching from the grief she's experienced. And even though I missed that darkest chapter in her life, when Fred was quickly and unexpectedly taken from her, I can't help but know -- because she has succeeded in conveying to me through song and soul-- the strange dark place she journeyed through.

In "Something Old, Something New," the vivid New York she experienced in the aftermath of Fred's death is perfectly etched, and we see the city as a perfect conduit to move her into the alternate version of her life without Fred. And the friends who would help her. The upside down bridal imagery is arresting. It breaks and eventually raises my heart to think of her re-imagining her wedding and her future. 

"Song I Never Wrote For You," was the first original song off the album I heard. And also, the last song I heard Sophie play live on my last day in Scotland. She was just wrapping up recording the album. I heard some not-quite mixed tracks. And on Dublin street, as I went through clothes to give away, her simple, pure piano version echoed down the hall to me as she played. I thought about Fred and I thought about Sophie and how I would miss this part of my life so dreadfully. No part of my American life is as simple, or bare, or uncomplicated, or earnest as any moment I spent with Sophie. Except for when I listen to her album from my house in Hollywood. 

Sophie Ramsay is a blessing to this or any life. Add her to yours.