You had best believe that you cannot build what I don't need

Rare thunderstorms in LA are ushering me to Britain today. 

My itinerary-- a year in the making-- has me feeling a bit shot out of a cannon, but is entirely my own doing. I haven't been back to Scotland since the day I got on the bus in that last wind down to the end. I had that taste of London on the way back from Africa, and I'll admit I still associate the place with the only thing in my life I've ever felt like I failed at. I cried on the circle in. I have felt and still feel a rough letting go of that place and the life I saw for myself there. 

It becomes more complicated the more entrenched I get in my LA life; the more I love it. 

As I cross over anniversaries and milestones, unremarked upon, the more I am having to redefine myself against the hardline definitions I had of myself earlier in my life. I can say to myself now--- you've been away from New  York as long as you were ever there. Why do you still consider yourself a New Yorker? You don't really miss it, you only miss Europe. But LA... 

I still feel torn about my intent. My intent to live as one or many of the incarnations of myself. 

I'm scared of falling out of my life here by being gone so long. I'm scared of missing an opportunity that I've painstakingly built a foundation for here. 

I'm scared it's still not enough time to be in any of the places I'm going to settle into the rhythm. Scared it's not enough time to catch back that magic of my life there. I'm scared that the way I was there will be at odds with the way I am now and I won't be able to reconcile them. I'm scared my practice will fall off and I won't chant because of time, and mindset, and my friends' hard disbelief in Buddhism. 

But CHVRCHES has got my back. Giving us all a new song to sing me to Scotland. And a new album this September 25 -- Every Open Eye. 

And I'm going to give it my best go to report to whatever readers are left here. I can't guarantee I'll be able to. I can't guarantee I'll have anything or anything worthwhile to say. But if I do, I'll be here. Hope to see you.

Onward. To the East and to the North. To London, Edinburgh, Bamff, Skye, Uist, Geneva, Provence, Lugano and everywhere in between, to Dublin, to Clare and back again. 

Vegas Today

Me thinks it's time for a little Vegas, so I'll be in the car today, headed East into the desert for some Dad time and songwriting time with the Haviland. Being in Vegas is normally a pretty good motivator for me to do something with my life. Maybe I'll even stop tinkering with this pilot and cowgirl up to showing it someone. Giddy up.

(PS - I stole this picture from one of my friends. I don't remember which one. If it's you, thanks! And...hope that's okay.)

Watch Out For Mattresses

So... I had a real blog post planned for today, but turns out, I ended up spending most of the day dealing with this disgusting mattress which got lodged in my wheel axel on the 105/405 junction. I didn't see it fall off anyone's truck and I didn't see it at all until it was too late because some giant SUV was blocking my view and veered away from it only at the last minute. Special thanks to the amazing Highway Patrol Officers who worked to free me and kept me company. 

(PS- Yeah, before you ask, I'm pretty sure that's urine.)

Abandoned Nevada

When I was growing up and my grandmother would drive me all over the deep south in search of all Gone with the Wind related historical sites of interest, I was always deeply and adolescently moved by abandoned buildings. Perhaps it was just the feeling of connection to a physical manifestation of all my abandonment issues. (!) I'm still drawn by that mood. How many posts have I done on abandoned buildings like theatres? Or this in Scotland? But when I was an angst-y adolescent, it was too big to be contained. I wanted to do a book of photographs with that feeling. 

Too bad I didn't know at age 10 that Sally Mann was already doing it way better than I ever could have. But, listen, Nevada holds its own on the ghost town front. From derelict boom towns to discarded neon graveyards, Nevada knows how to love 'em and leave 'em better any pretty much anybody. 

Buzzfeed did this nice (if a little bright) photo aggregate and I just keep going back to this haunting pic (above) my friend and fellow Nevada writer turned New York writer Foster Kamer posted on a recent trip back home. I like to look and just get the sad out. 

The Truth.

This is on the side of a building in NYC and I've never read anything truer. Also, you're being watched, apparently. Nice video cam. 

 I'm driving to Vegas today for some belated holiday mingling and car maintenance. I can't wait to meet Baby June, the littlest Woffinden. Not to mention, Tiger Time. I feel like I should eat at Honey Salt. Not a day goes by when some Vegas person isn't raving about it. Hope you're having a fabulous Sunday!

Happy Thanksgiving! A Readable Feast

My second favorite holiday! Sending love your way on this great day of thanks from Los Angeles, Oceanside, Las Vegas. 

If you had asked me this time last year, when I was cooking a big Thanksgiving feast for all my Scottish friends (I think I'll forever associate them with giving thanks & also my ability to cook a meal of that scale), where I thought I'd be today, a year later, I don't think I would have imagined all the places I would have gone in one year. 

But I'm thankful for this past year--- it was sort of like an out of body experience. 

Meanwhile, I'm off to drive down the coast to see my mom's family. Wish me luck.

For this lovely holiday, I can't think of any better pairing than food and poetry. Check out The Hungry Ear, a collection of food poems. 

Landon's Broadway Debut Links

What are you guys all doing this fair fall weekend? McC and I are headed down to San Diego for a shotgun trip and some cooler weather. It's still pretty hot up in LA. Also hoping to meet up with my brother on the way considering, we literally pass his house on PCH on the way and neither one of us has a car at the moment. (We aren't related by blood, but we're clearly related. Sigh.)

I feel like I'm finally back in the land of the living with this phone now. I've already caught up with four people I haven't talked to in ages just by virtue of being on their grid again. The network of people I've collected and invested in on my travels is the greatest resource and source of joy in my life. Plug me back into that. 

- Today is one of those most loyal, supportive people's Broadway Debut! DOONER LOVE!
- I don't see a lot of movies in theaters, but this is a funny app. 
- Oh, the old creativity and mental illness talk again. 
- A kid who comes to school in a different historical costume each day? My soul mate! My hero!
- Blogstar. 
- A mom I super respect shared her story of choosing not to medicate her kids. People listen up. 
- This is disgusting, Mittens. You make me sick. 
- SO. IS. THIS.
- I've been waiting a long time for someone to make this Claire Danes cut mix. 
- This is still DEEPLY upsetting to me. If you're not caught up on Downton, spoilers ahead. 
- The Rice Centennial spectacle was indeed nothing short of a spectacle. Watch here.
- Or, if you only have 100 seconds:

Vegas Road Trip Friday Links

Today I have the great honor of showing a Brit the wonderment that is Las Vegas. Even though we'll be there less than 24 hours, I'm excited to see my Tigerlily, my Emily and my Dad. I'm excited to begin steps (again) for getting my driver's license back. I'm excited to show people the Elvis Museum. Here are your links.

- My college prof/friend/mentor's new book comes out. Nice when the Times does a feature.
- Becoming a stylish writer
- Or! Just say whatever the hell you want. Then take it back. Works for this guy.
- This was good. I went to a University with the good sense to skip fraternities, but I get it. 
- I wholeheartedly agree with this in the nerdiest way possible.
- Milo Greene at the Wythe Hotel
- Forget your past

Your Local 5 Star Gas Station - Saxapahaw General Store

Since my return from abroad, I've been working a lot on retaining that British/European sensibility I genuinely identify with now that I'm back in the States (for now). But I also recognized that it's important to be where you are and love where you are. So I've been on a bit of a mission to fall in love with America again. I got a little answer to my prayers on a five day road trip through some of my favorite parts of the South (largely the hippie parts) with my family. 

Some of the best time I ever spend I spend with my Godmother Lucie-- wherever we are, but especially in North Carolina. Saxpahaw is close enough to university towns to have that feel, but out of the way enough to have small Southern town charm with a hippie soft edge. 

Saxapahaw might be the middle of nowhere, but it is the nexus of all things to love about small hippie Southern artists' towns. Our first stop was the SXPHW General Store where we feasted on brisket sandwiches and local grown vegetables, local cheeses and beers. If I had been travelling with anything more than a small backback, I would have taken a whole lot of that home (Home? Where?) with me. 

We sat in the sunshine while the vegetable garden grew all around us. There, Lucie and I plotted the artist colony in repurposed mill condos we'll start next summer... To Be Continued...

Frank Ocean & John Mayer - My New Favorite Odd Couple

My new favorite random-ass celebrity friendship is Frank Ocean and John Mayer. I mean, John did some sweet guitar work on Channel Orange, but lately, they seem to be inseparable. Frank just announces last minute that John will be joining him on SNL and then most of each song, John just stands there watching Frank sing it until it's his turn for a solo. Then, while John's playing, Frank goes to one of the several Pac Man machines and just starts playing video games, framed beautifully in profile against John playing guitar... it was wild. I love it. 

I'm glad John found something productive and not-too-talky to do while he's on hiatus from singing. (And consequently, saying fewer ridiculous statements in public.) Either way, I'm sort of rooting for this friendship. I sometimes wonder if John remembers me. (I'm guessing not.) And I want to be friends with Frank Ocean anyway, so I'd sort of like to be a fly on the wall when these two go out. Do you think John tries to wingman for Frank with hot guys? Probably not. More likely, I'd guess, Frank is helping John with the ladies. 

Check out the amazing vid for the full length version (featuring an extended, new guitar solo from JM) of Pyramids. Also check out the live versions from the SNL premiere I was mentioning. 

frank ocean [pyramids] from christopher francis ocean on Vimeo.

A Weekend in the Country

Many thanks to the birthday girl, Susie, for being born so we could celebrate at the lovely Dripwell House in Northamptonshire! About 20 of us headed North or South (depending) for "camping," dining, and reels. We had delicious meals, a 1982 vintage port (1982 clearly being the world's most superior year) got a little rowdy during the reels and got no sleep. Just the way a weekend in the country should be! 

As per usual, I was thrown all over the dance floor and have the arm bruises to prove it. But despite the sore joints and lack of sleep, good friends and a good long walk (with lambs!) can make everything better. Kudos to Susie and fam for the awesome time. Non-kudos to the British rail system who routed and re-routed us about 4 times through Rugby, etc etc and made a 1:15 trip back to London last four hours. At least we got to nap! Hope you're all having a great start to your week!

The Road Turns, I Grow: Knock for Knock

Some things make me miss Japan... and this is one of them. A friend of mine posted this the other day, and even though I have no interest in cycling per se,  I was totally drawn to it. I miss the light in Tokyo. I miss the lonely crowds. I miss how the city occupies the strange space between the masculine and feminine. This time of year, when everything is made pink by scattered sakura. 


Maybe I've just been to jealous and living vicariously through Jon Schu's recent trip to Tokyo, but I loved this video, Knock for Knock. I loved the music by Glaswegian band Mogwai.  I especially loved the animation at the end by Rebecca Strickson . And the subtle shift into English. I miss speaking Japanese. Everything sounds like poetry in Japanese. Who wants to go back with me?

Four Days of Fabulous February

Back from snowy London-- my body is a little worse for wear after taking several spills on slippery hills in Hampstead, but my spirits are soaring. It's awesome when you can start to see your new life taking shape and on each of my scouting expeditions so far, I feel like I can see it more and more. Look at this beautiful city! For every disappointment, there's another friend or chance waiting as a reminder of how awesome it feels to make decisions are be true to yourself. 


From Hampstead Heath to Southbank, and even in crappy eastjet Hotels in Earls Court, there's something to love in every neighborhood. Even Edinburgh is a bit brighter today. Thanks to everyone who made this weekend fab. I'm going back to resting my bruised left side and prepping for the next big adventure. 

Borders Weekend

After a weekend of buses, trains, and even more buses, it feels nice to have this (albeit short) respite in my cozy room. Then it's off again tomorrow morning for the US of A. From one of the funnest London house parties and a late late night, I took an early morning train to Carlisle. The rather unfriendly folks in Carlisle didn't help much with me catching the bus to Selkirk, but I made it eventually. 


The most wonderful Sandy invited us all for a feast and walk-about at his lovely cottage. Sandy lives on the Philiphaugh estate and his cottage sits next to beautiful strawberry greenhouses. There were warm fires and fuzzy socks and plum gins and beautiful table settings and slumbers with great friends. I had never tried hare before, and now I can say that I have. Just checking off those game meats. And Anna's Guinness cake with orange icing was so delicious it may or may not have also been my breakfast the next morning in addition to pudding the night before. 


The next day, we read by the fire and went on a walk, where we had a run-in with some sassy cows and warmed up in the famous Tibbie Shiels pub before heading back to Edinburgh via car (mercifully.) Thank you, Sandy, for the warmest hospitality!

Twelve Hours it Takes Sometimes

Ever since being introduced to Scottish supergroup The Reindeer Section, they've been the music of road trips here. It's been one long ass week of road trips, overnight buses, too-early trains and good times. I'm about to crash. Enjoy a massive conglomerate of Belle & Sebastian, Mull Historical Society, Idlewild, Snow Patrol, The Vaselines, etc etc etczzzzzzzzzzzzzz...............