Hey. Yes, this site is still a thing. Kinda.

Three years you say? Yeah. It's been that long. There are reasons. And there are reasons I'm back. Some fun, some practical.  I'll admit that a huge portion of why I'm immediately back today, right now,  is because the time it takes me to post this will save me enormous amounts of time answering people who write to Steven and me about sheet music.

SHEET MUSIC CAN NOW BE PURCHASED at WWW.RYANNFERGUSON.COM

I don't know if I'm going to keep this space here or roll it over into a new website I'm very ambivalent about making. TBD on that.

I don't live in Scotland anymore and my work keeps me in LA more than I'd like. But I have done some fun stuff I haven't written about on here, but have written about, or would like to write about more. So maybe I'll do that.

But I did get married. (A lot fo people got married. I'll post about that too.)
I married a Scot, so... I know what you're thinking... it's what I'm thinking too. That door is open again.
And the longer Donald Trump remains the president, the more I think about it.
But then Brexit.
So... ???

Like anyone's 3 years, a lot happened in my last three years. Really tent pole stuff that fully swung the pendulum from the very worst (Trump, rapists on the Supreme Court, deaths) to the very very best. 

I wrote a lot more TV shows
I pitched them with Autumn to crazy cool places like HBO and NBC and here there and everywhere
We got an agent we were really excited about!
It turns out he sucked and actively undermined us for jobs. 
(He was also quite patronizing and told us we wouldn't get a job because we were white and no one was allowed to get on the ladder in Hollywood anymore if you were white, even if we were women.)
I wrote (or finally finished, really) a new musical with Steven. 
I finished my novel and got a cool new agent for that. 
My husband and I went through an expensive and invasive visa process. I'll write more about this. Hey immigration hound Repubs out there: if you think it's "too easy" to immigrate to the US, YOU'RE WRONG. Legally, illegally, it's all very difficult. 
The implication from my Repub family members is, "Well Jon's okay because he's my husband, or because he's Scottish..." aka he's white and not from one of those "shithole" countries their president always talks about. Newsflash: THAT'S RACIST.
My favorite artist/musician in the world killed himself. He did exactly what he described doing in one of his songs. It was heartbreaking and I'm still more upset about it than it feels prudent to be, but there you have it. 

Most of the time, I really don't feel like talking to people. Anyone. But then, something about all this does make me want to talk about it. At least here. In this way. How I used to. 

For now,  Hello again.
Am I here? Of course I am, yes.
All I need is your hand to pull me out again.

You had best believe that you cannot build what I don't need

Rare thunderstorms in LA are ushering me to Britain today. 

My itinerary-- a year in the making-- has me feeling a bit shot out of a cannon, but is entirely my own doing. I haven't been back to Scotland since the day I got on the bus in that last wind down to the end. I had that taste of London on the way back from Africa, and I'll admit I still associate the place with the only thing in my life I've ever felt like I failed at. I cried on the circle in. I have felt and still feel a rough letting go of that place and the life I saw for myself there. 

It becomes more complicated the more entrenched I get in my LA life; the more I love it. 

As I cross over anniversaries and milestones, unremarked upon, the more I am having to redefine myself against the hardline definitions I had of myself earlier in my life. I can say to myself now--- you've been away from New  York as long as you were ever there. Why do you still consider yourself a New Yorker? You don't really miss it, you only miss Europe. But LA... 

I still feel torn about my intent. My intent to live as one or many of the incarnations of myself. 

I'm scared of falling out of my life here by being gone so long. I'm scared of missing an opportunity that I've painstakingly built a foundation for here. 

I'm scared it's still not enough time to be in any of the places I'm going to settle into the rhythm. Scared it's not enough time to catch back that magic of my life there. I'm scared that the way I was there will be at odds with the way I am now and I won't be able to reconcile them. I'm scared my practice will fall off and I won't chant because of time, and mindset, and my friends' hard disbelief in Buddhism. 

But CHVRCHES has got my back. Giving us all a new song to sing me to Scotland. And a new album this September 25 -- Every Open Eye. 

And I'm going to give it my best go to report to whatever readers are left here. I can't guarantee I'll be able to. I can't guarantee I'll have anything or anything worthwhile to say. But if I do, I'll be here. Hope to see you.

Onward. To the East and to the North. To London, Edinburgh, Bamff, Skye, Uist, Geneva, Provence, Lugano and everywhere in between, to Dublin, to Clare and back again. 

Monkey Sanctuary - Excerpt

Why hello. Nice to see you again. Nice to have something I wanted to put here. There is much to tell, actually, but now isn't the right time. Right now, I am thinking about the one year anniversary of my very interesting sojourn to Ghana. A year ago right now, I was just settling into my second full day. None of what I'm about to tell you had happened yet.

I've been working on this "short" story for a year. Even in the Accra airport, I began to write this down in notebooks, along with the almost overwhelming amount of emotional and physical information I had taken in over the two weeks.

I can't share everything with you here. But I did want to give you a little taste.

Just for context, here's the blurb:

Somewhere between rekindling a trans-atlantic romance and calling it quits for good, a couple tries a new locale on holiday in Ghana’s Cape Coast. At an isolated nature reserve, an eccentric Dutch couple reveals more than anyone bargained for about our biological evolution when we choose to stay together.

And here is the text! A nice non-emotional, yet meatier middle chunk of 

MONKEY SANCTUARY.

Forty-five minutes later, they were still in the car on the way to the monkey reserve that was “right up the road.”

Casey had underestimated how big Ghana was. Almost everything they said was "close" ended up being an hour drive at least. Maybe it was all the extra police stops you had to make. Every few miles, the police in navy and light blue camo (She couldn’t quite see the point in that particular camo) would pull over every car and inspect. Gordon would warn her each time to hide any electronics. (“They’ll take it. They’ll find a reason to take it.”)

Or maybe everything took so long because-- with the exception of the George W. Bush Expressway, ironically enough, both “The Best Road in All of Africa,” but also simply the best road in all of Africa--  the roads were all so bad.

In LA, the roads always failed at the edges. In Ghana, every road seemed to have huge, craggy chunks pulled up in the middle that had to be sharply swerved around—a kind of alien asphalt phlegm that Ghana kept trying to cough up. The center literally would not hold.

Painted Lady Friday Links

What a long week. I'm real glad it's Friday. In two weeks, Iona will be here! In the meantime, I'm just really trying to get my ducks in a row across all facets. I'm tempted to mix a lot of metaphors here. Streamline spinning plates. Break some eggs to make omelets. What's that? Just give us the links? Okay, sounds good.

- One of San Fran's Painted Ladies sells for 900k under asking price. Where was I?

- Pal & fellow Vegas native Jillian Bell is having an utterly deserved amazing year.

- I love Silicon Valley. That is all.

- Molly Ringwald singing a jazz version of "Don't You Forget About Me" to me was definitely a high point for any 80s kid. See her again July 1 and July 15. 

- One MINUTE parking in LA. A new LA parking low.

- Yes, he's a felon. But once he's out of prison, he should definitely be a model.

- Anyone tried this ALOHA stuff??

- Lots of mixed feelings about Chipotle's "disposable" literature.

- Cormac McCarthy's REJECTED Chipotle cup

- George Saunders on kindness.

- Everyone who ever did forensics with me in High School knows, I love me some "Say My Name." (Upon looking at the video again, I'm noticing Bey's 'stache.) Now, The Awl asks, "Is this the original 'Say My Name'?" Well, it doesn't have what I love about the song, but fair enough. Dark child nah nah.

Greetings From Vegas Friday Links

So much Franzen this week. Okay by me. 

- First, his awesome essay in the Guardian promoting his new book, The Krauss Project. 
- The hilarious non-backlash backlash and what that means for Franzen haters
- Finally, this. Franzy, join us on the internets.

- When a man writes a woman

More aspects of Modern Living:
- The terror that is Whole Foods
- The wonder that is Trader Joe's. (They're not really cutting their benefits. Just read.)

- I scroll through this every day. Sigh.

I finally met and hung out with one of my fave writer/blogger folks, Anne Sage of The City Sage this morning. If you aren't reading her, you should be. I have her to thank for this cool website recommendation, The American Edit. Check it. 

Peace out for the weekend, ninjas. My head hurts and it's Tiger Time. 

Autumn Reading

So far this year, I've felt deprived of novels I was genuinely excited to read. Missing was that giddy, luscious feeling, knowing I'm about to devour one. Luckily, this fall, there's finally some stuff to look forward to on the novel front. Here's what I can't wait to buy:

Wally Lamb - We Are Water
Oct. 22
He gets a bad rap as too populist, but I still think Wally Lamb is the shit. And I can't wait to be knee-deep in it again.

Elizabeth Gilbert- 
The Signature of All Things
Oct. 1
Also getting a rap even worse than Lamb is Liz Gilbert. But I still think about how much I liked her first novel, Stern Men, and I'm glad she's back to writing on another subject besides herself. 





Donna Tartt - The Goldfinch
Oct. 22
I still have adolescent reader scars from The Secret History and I always come back for more trauma. 

Not novels, but:
Roth Unbound. A Writer & His Books
Oct. 22
Because... Philip Roth. Nuff said.

The Bernstein Letters
Oct. 29
Oh, Leonard. You are a man of wonder. 

For a longer list, check out this one compiled by The Daily Beast. 

For good measure, thought this headline is impossible, because you cannot qualify unique, here are some bitchin' libraries around the world. 

** also, I continue to feel ambivalent about posting links to amazon instead of other book sellers like Barnes & Noble. I think this is the last time I'll do it. Damn you, Franzen. But I have 3 more months on my amazon prime membership, so... ack. 

Giada - Inaugural Issue FREE

Hey everyone! So part of why I haven't been around as much these days is that I've been working on some other projects that are similar, but far more lucrative and have way more readers. (Props to you, core group of awesome ones, though.)

And one of those things launches TODAY! The inaugural issue of Giada, a digital weekly is available for FREE for your ipad in the itunes store. It's coming soon to other digital platforms. But for now, if you have an ipad, please give it a try. 

There's tons of amazingly delicious Giada recipes, music playlists, style and beauty tips, and tons and tons of travel stories so you too can live the good life. I've tasted these recipes, I've seen these tips in action, and I can tell you... WORTH YOUR TIME.

I want to be Giada when I grow up and this emag will make you want to as well. Super thanks to everyone involved for the opportunity to be a part of this. (Especially you, Ashley Reed!) 

Launching things, being there when it all starts is my most favorite part of life and especially of any sort of artistic/professional experience. With all your help, this can be the start of something really fun and special. We'll keep working hard; you keep reading. 

Vegas Today

Me thinks it's time for a little Vegas, so I'll be in the car today, headed East into the desert for some Dad time and songwriting time with the Haviland. Being in Vegas is normally a pretty good motivator for me to do something with my life. Maybe I'll even stop tinkering with this pilot and cowgirl up to showing it someone. Giddy up.

(PS - I stole this picture from one of my friends. I don't remember which one. If it's you, thanks! And...hope that's okay.)

TONY Weekend Jumbo Links List

You guys. You might have realized that for the past few weeks, I've been taking quite large gaps in posting. For this I am both sorry/not sorry. I should probably fill you in on a little bit about what's been going on. 

First of all, I've been kind of uninspired about the true purpose of this blog since leaving Europe. My readership dropped off a lot since I was no longer galavanting through castles and I toyed with ideas of revamping into something much different or ceasing to post entirely. I've tabled all those discussions for the time being. But I feel like I'm close to figuring out what this space will next become. 

In the meantime, I've been spending a lot of my energy normally reserved for this blog on a lifestyle e-mag/app platform that will bring the words and ideas to a much, MUCH larger audience and one that is both recognizable and super respected. It's been amazing so far to help launch what I hope this will become. More on that endeavor very soon. 

Until then, just know that there's lots in the works, lots to be excited about, lots to write about and so many interesting things on the internet. Here are some of them. And happy Tony Weekend, musical lovers!

- I can't believe this Mary Queen of Scots exhibit wasn't open when I was  there. 
- This amazing house in Russia
- Hard to believe these works of art aren't photos
- Yet another example of why the writings of Alex Williams are in my axis of evil.
- David Simon on gov phone tapping. He would know lots about wires. I heart him.
- SO much crazy rape talk on the internets. There was this....
- Which got SO ugly here. Lindy! Solidarity, girl. People make me really ill sometimes. BUT!
- This article about the distress of the privileged is one of the best I've read.
- Best LA places for outdoorsiness.
- Recently uncovered 1959 photos of Robert Redford (holla!)
- Almost RIP, Google Reader. Tear. Here's why it really got the ax. 
- Reading literature makes us nicer and smarter. No shit, Sherlock.
- TONY stuff. I like the analysis here. But I'm for Matilda all the way on everything. 
- Giada De Laurentiis's chocolate linguine. BOOM.

Memorial Weekend Friday Links

On my first free weekend in a long time, I plan on spending a lot of time outdoors. That's all I ask. Can one really ask more for Memorial Day Weekend? I won't even mind if I'm alone on some trails. My post-show depression is receding and I'm recharging for an intense summer of work and musical theatre. 

- My amazing Iona is writing for the Guardian now!!!
- Speaking of which, I'll be going here the next time I'm in NYC.
- The 5 most British Reactions to Honey Boo Boo
- Memory is malleable, dynamic, elusive.
- How to wreck your life with crowd funding.
- French children don't have ADHD. Interesting.
- The gangsta rap version of my blog is not too far from the real thing.
- My imaginary well-dressed toddler daughter, Quinoa.
- Annise Parker, ninjas!
- I do love beards.
- But this guy. He can do whatever he wants. Forever. Reddddddforrrrrrd. There can NEVER be enough Robert Redford appreciation articles. The. Ultimate.

Friday Links Brought to You by My Boyfriend, Albert Camus

Are you the busiest ever? That's how I feel. So bring it straight to the links. I'm off to have lunch with my old college girlfriend. Haven't seen her since her wedding in 2005!! Have a fabulous Friday!

- My friends in Edi alerted me that my church is for sale! WHAT!?
- I bet my friends say this about me.
- This sounds about right. Oh sleep. Oh depression. 
- Six Feet Under style end of The Office
- My buddy Mark Fisher's new website for Mark Fisher Fitness.                                
- 15 great Sylvia Plath quotes
- This. 
- Glad this whole mess got cleared up...at least on Disney's website!
- I like a lot of those dating shows, but I'd watch this one.
- Speaking of dating, my other cosmic boyfriend, Camus, is celebrating the centenary of his birth this year and even has a new book out-- The Algerian Chronicles. Not bad for someone who died in 1960. He's like Tupac.

Want To See - Sontag Reborn

There's only a few people whose endless thoughts I don't mind listening to. Once of them is Susan Sontag. That's why when I'm in NYC in June, I'm hoping to catch this at NYTW. Based on Sontag's journals and adapted by performer Moe Angelos, this sounds like the perfect way to spend an evening on my old block.

Performances run through June 30th.

Art in the Burn Off Friday Links

Isolation really makes me start to see things from the weirdest corners of my perspective. It's not untrue, it's just slanted and very very peripheral. Which is why I was so glad this week to stop depriving myself of the company of others as some kind of punishment for the things I've yet to figure out. 

Thankful for more work coming my way, always for the hikes, for Latte, for friends and champions visiting from New York, for all the possibilities that remain open, the people who haven't yet told me no definitively. 

Also, it's my birthday next week. I'm not thrilled about the number, but I am excited for an excuse to celebrate in multiple cities, as is becoming my style.

Here are your links:

- Um, this whisky residue art is amazingly beautiful. Art + whisky. Perfect.
- What it was like to be a TGIF sitcom writer.
- Good interview with composer/lyricist of Matilda, Tim Minchin.
- Kate Makkai on prettiness
- Amanda Palmer at TED on the Art of Asking.
- I was cool with Les Miz, but this honest trailer is pretty great.
- The tunnels of the newest East Side NYC subway.
- Isolation or loneliness that shortens our lifespans?
- The UK Border Agency is being scrapped for parts? Do I rejoice or cower in fear?

- This is adorable. Though, you notice there are basically no dating books geared at men. Because they don't care. Hilarity. I wonder how terrible the book that goes with this is...

Lonely But Fabulous Friday Links

What a week. Lots of changes over here. Strangely, I feel better in the wake of recent upheavals on their multiple fronts. I've been doing a lot of taking stock. And I think I've learned some good things moving forward in what I want my days to look like; the rest of my life to look like. I do this a lot, inching towards it bit by bit. Chiseling it down into something that hopefully looks like something. 

Most things have been pushing me towards going it on my own for several years now. Not on my own on my own, but a kind of autonomy or partnership with separate but equal spheres is where I'm sticking to. That's definitely when I'm happiest. I'm looking forward to all the work coming up for Steven and me. I'm looking forward to a slightly reconfigured New York trip. I'm looking forward to long morning hikes at Griffith Park and to having free mental space to finish these scripts. 

There is a luxury to being alone. And I'm going to wallow in it for a bit. 

Here are your links! Have a great weekend!

- My ol' pal Duncan Sheik's "Barely Breathing" featured in the Girls torture chamber. His reaction.
- Best article on SMASH I've ever read. It's juicy. 
- Listen to Frightened Rabbit for free before their album Pedestrian Verse comes out next week. 
- Last lines of all the 30 Rock characters. RIP 30 Rock. 
- I watched The Americans. I don't think it's going to be better than Homeland. 
- Cronin's Confessions of a Liberal Gun Owner in the NYTimes
- Speaking of Cronin, here's what he loves about Houston. 

This Is Martin Bonner Wins Sundance Audience Award!

Every now and then, something really nice happens to the little guys. Every now and then, it pays off to live out of your car in order to make your thing happen. That time is now for Chad Hartigan, who won the Audience Award for NEXT at Sundance this weekend. Way to go, bud. 

Extra bonus points for This Is Martin Bonner taking place in Nevada. 

THIS IS MARTIN BONNER Official Teaser from Chad Hartigan on Vimeo.

The Get Real Friday Links

McC and I frequently discuss the state of blogging. I still think blogging is writing. And is about ideas. (Or should be.) Not just a glorified way to hawk products or gain sponsorship or ask soul-searingly obvious questions, or give soul-searingly obvious advice. 

I suppose I just think you should be contributing something to a conversation. And asking an obvious question as substitute for a hard question isn't the same thing. I guess this is why I have a problem with a lot of (not all, but a lot of) "here's what I wore today" blogs and whatnot. 

And the line was really crossed for me with the blog mentioned below in my first link of this Friday. It's difficult for me to sum up all the reasons this is the nexus of everything that makes my stomach turn about blogging (and sort of by extension, America?) but it feels like the perfect crystallization of all that is inane and wasteful about blogging and American culture. A corporate sponsor for a braid bar. You must be joking. Every mention of the move to Paris being referred to as Paris, France. Yes, we know. I'm sure you wouldn't be flaunting a move with your two kids to Paris, Texas. 

I don't really make it a point to call people out in writing, unless it's to give kudos, but... oh man. I like my blogs with a heavy dose of the get real. I think blogs are a daily tonic of get real. Of reconciling one's ideal with their reality and making peace with that. Not some twee luxurious quirk overdose. Maybe a lot of people don't want ideas in their blogs, just pretty pictures. Maybe if I posted more pictures of my outfits or hosted more parties with corporate sponsorship, I'd have thousands and thousands of readers each day, instead of a hundred or so that I have. But I'll still with my ideas and my readers who want those, thank you very much. 

At the end of the day, I think everyone is just doing their best--- blog offenders included-- but also, please... come on...

- A Bing sponsored Braid Bar? With Letterpress braiding instructions? We've reached the lowest low with vapid blogging. 

- Speaking of inane and obvious, PippaTips mocks P. Middleton's "book."
- Famed British photographer, Rankin, is leaving LA and heading back to the UK. Take me with you!
- Las Vegas does have some wild street names. I grew up on Ramrod. Too bad it wasn't Tupac Ln.
- Still considering the white & gold version of this for my foyer. Someone talk me out of wallpaper.
- Digging a lot of this Scotch & Soda line
- A pal of mine, Chad Hartigan is rocking Sundance with this awesome review. 
- My interview for the Theological Seminary program I did as a teenager. Nice to be asked spiritual questions. 
- Argumentative fallacies I learned in high school forensics. Wish the Republican Party would read this. 

Anais Nin Explains Why I Don't Date Anymore

Thanks, Brainpickings for this.

An Odd Echo - Dotter of Her Father's Eyes

Apparently the legacy of Lucia Joyce lights a fire under a good many writers. This year's Costa Prize for biography in Britain has been awarded to Bryan & Mary M. Talbot for their graphic biography (yes, you saw correctly, a graphic novel bio) of James Joyce's daughter, Dotter of Her Father's Eyes. 

I haven't forgotten about my shelved phd project and find Lucia's sad story as fascinating as ever. I'm still hard at work on the novel portion of said phd and am sort of simul-adapting as I move along into the accompanying screenplay as more and more of the sections feel best represented visually.

Clearly the Talbots thought so as well and chose to depict the story of this dysfunctional family with its literary genius at the center in images as well. I jumped to acquire the hard copy of course, but this is a perfect work to engage with digitally, either on ipad or iphone or e-reader. All the images are black and white and have a kind of child-like quality which, in my opinion, sort of adds to the heartbreak. 

The Talbots were also inspired by the same book as I was-- Carol Schloss's To Dance In The Wake, but I've obviously added several highly fictional elements to my version of the story. 

Interesting fact, Mary Talbot has lived and breathed the Joyce family most of her life as the daughter of the eminent Joycean scholar, James S Atherton. And the piece tells not just the story of Lucia the daughter, but of of Mary the daughter as well. The part memoir, part biography juxtaposes Mary's childhood with Lucia's. 

It's strange hearing about a similar yet so dissimilar project to mine. In some ways, it gives a feeling of validation. I maintain my feeling that I'm on the right track. In other ways, I feel territorial and want to write faster. Either way, I'm looking forward to cracking into this one. Keep on thinking of unexpected ways to tell those stories, people. 

New Year, New Job, New Website

Many of you noticed that I got a new job in December, (Thanks for the well wishes on that, too, people. Much appreciated.) as the Director of Communications for voice over casting and production company, Resnick Interactive Group. I've been getting the lay of the land for the past month, but also working on our new website! 

I get to write a lot, so that's the main thing. Content for the site & our blog, press stuff, script stuff, etc.  But I also get to get in there on where the business is going to go next and so I'm excited that direction is onwards and upwards with more children's entertainment. Which is perfect, since that's right up my street! We already work on tons of animation including the hit show Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse (Seen by over 100,000,000 viewers and starring the one and only Haviland Stillwell as Barbie's nemesis, Raquelle. Also, doesn't it just seem fitting with the universe that I should write for a Barbie show? I mean, amiright???) and I can't wait to see what 2013 brings from our efforts. 

They're even shipping my NYC keister back to my favorite city for most of the month of February (not actually the month I'd choose to spend in NYC, but that's neither here nor there) and throughout the year--- so people of the Big Apple, prepare ye for my imminent return! 

And check out our new website! Happy Monday!

Oops, I Ryan(n)'ed again

PS- I know you guys just got Downton Season 3 last night, so I'll remind you of my previous writings, here. 

Groom's Cake/ Birthday Cake/ I'm a Film Editor Now

Sometimes the skills you pick up on accident while you're peddling your own wares pay off! I've been honing my film editing skills for for years now-- largely in my quest to promote our musicals and through osmosis from having so many film maker friends. Eventually, I realized it was becoming a skill I could probably and should probably get paid for. And now I am! 

I'm excited for my first big project, Birthday Cake, which is the feature length follow up the hit indie short 'mockumentary' Groom's Cake. It was written by my pal Chad Darnell (one of Haviland's first life friends: they met when she was 10!) and has won pretty much every film festival it entered. 

Now, the team is getting back together to make Birthday Cake and I could not be more thrilled to join the gang. We had a read through last night while celebrating Chad's birthday at Hamburger Mary's and I was in love with this script. I wholly support the message and spirit of everything they're trying to do up in here. It's a really lovely, heartfelt story and the main character's name is Ferguson! 

See, there are places in the arts where being anal retentive, detail oriented and obsessed with precision are calling cards and I'm just glad I'm finding my place in those places. We're also raising a few additional funds for the feature via indiegogo. Check it out!