Alice's House

How about some fiction!? Why not? It's Tuesday. Here is an excerpt from my final semester short story, called Alice's House. It is in no way biographical. 

***

 Zadie’s dad ruffled her hair and hugged her too hard when he met her at the gate.

            “My Sweetpea is home for good.”

            While Zadie’s mom thought it was just Christmas vacation and shared custody as usual, Zadie and her Dad knew she was never going back. Maybe her mom wouldn’t even notice she was missing. She hadn’t when Zadie had left. Zadie had called and used her saved tenth birthday money to pay for her own cab, while her mother slept. So maybe, if Zadie just never got back on the plane, her mom would keep sleeping through that too.

           

            Just the existence of her Dad, just knowing he was alive in the world-- something about the idea of him, had always brought Zadie to the verge of tears. She wanted to hug him forever. She wanted to tell him everything.

            But then she was silent when they joined her stepmother, Alice, in her dad’s beat up silver car. Alice sat stiffly upright, looking uncomfortable or embarrassed—Zadie couldn’t tell.

            “You look just like your father,” said Alice. “But everyone probably tells you that.”

            “Yeah,” said Zadie.

            All the way from the airport to the house, Zadie sat quietly in the back, listening to the rattle of the muffler and waiting for one of them to talk.

Starter Art

Ideally, art is things you collect over a lifetime, or things passed to you in some way. But if you're like me, and country-hop a lot, or, ya know, work in the arts, and thus cannot afford art, you may enjoy this fun website. Sometimes you just want something in particular for a particular spot in a room or whatnot. And 20 X 200 is pretty great because all the art starts at just twenty bucks. 


Kudos to Jen Bekman, a small gallery owner on the Lower East Side (used to pass her place allll the time) for this pretty stellar idea. I love her formula: (limited editions × low prices) + the internet = art for everyone.


As it stands, I'm actually at an art surplus, but I loved browsing some of the fun stuff there. The now seemingly ubiquitous "Ferry from Androssan Harbor" from Laura Bell's Alba Series is there in several different qualities. I also got a kick out of this "New Math of Relationships" series. 


Hope you're having a great Monday. And Thanks for all the love on the Franzen post, ya'll. That was sweet. Glad you enjoyed. Keep telling your friends! 

Oh, I’ll get to that love and pain stuff later, maybe in my 30s

In the great tradition of Kenyon College Commencement speeches, this year, they picked the other half of my phd thesis, Mr. Franzen. And in the great tradition of Kenyon College Commencement speeches becoming life mantras for me, Franzen proved once again why-- even though he often infuriates me--mostly, he makes my heart sing in that beautifully neuroses-expiating, cathartic way that only he and David Foster Wallace can. They can actually cut right to the heart of what it means, and maybe more importantly, what it feels like to be alive now. 


And like the man says, "I'm going to do what all literary writers do, which is to talk about themselves... in the hope that my experience has some resonance with your own experience."


Because, as someone who lives quite a huge portion of my life, both social and professional, on various gadgets,  I laughed probably more than I should have. But as someone who favors grand gestures and huge, sloppy, and vulnerable relationships with everyone I care about, I maybe teared up a little more than I should have. Yes, Alice Sebold! I'm with you! I'm all about “getting down in the pit and loving somebody.” 


And I come back again to Fellowship. (I'm basically writing my phd on it!) Which is the purpose of why I'm on the internet-- at least why I keep this blog. Fellowship of people who make art and make it because they have to, not because they care what people will think about it. So I feel grateful for the fellowship I find when Franzen says things like this:

 "This is, in fact, the definition of a consumer product, in contrast to the product that is simply itself and whose makers aren’t fixated on your liking it. (I’m thinking here of jet engines, laboratory equipment, serious art and literature.) If you dedicate your existence to being likable, however, and if you adopt whatever cool persona is necessary to make it happen, it suggests that you’ve despaired of being loved for who you really are. And if you succeed in manipulating other people into liking you, it will be hard not to feel, at some level, contempt for those people, because they’ve fallen for your shtick."

I can't help but find certain echoes of what I love in the This Is Water speech, as well. Like:

 Love is about bottomless empathy, born out of the heart’s revelation that another person is every bit as real as you are. And this is why love, as I understand it, is always specific.The big risk here, of course, is rejection. We can all handle being disliked now and then, because there’s such an infinitely big pool of potential likers. But to expose your whole self, not just the likable surface, and to have it rejected, can be catastrophically painful. The prospect of pain generally, the pain of loss, of breakup, of death, is what makes it so tempting to avoid love and stay safely in the world of liking.

Read the whole thing here. Please do. Or you can hear him deliver the whole thing here. 

Uptown Downstairs Abbey

I could not resist posting this for all of you after McC was sweet enough to alert me to it. I mean. Not only do I just love love love Downton, but in the lean times while we're waiting for the new season, this lovely spoof is just what I needed. 

Kim Cattrall! Joanna Lumley! Heaven. Here it is for your enjoyment. Even if you haven't seen Downton, I think you'll still find this hysterical. And it appears to just be the first in a series! Happy Saturday to me. 

Also, Iona reminded me of this. Another one you should watch if you haven't already. 

Cheer up, it's Friday!

Today is my last full day in St Andrews. Tomorrow, I'll go to live full time in Edinburgh. Over time, I've gotten even worse at goodbyes than I was when I was younger. So bad, that now, I tend to just opt out of them. I just pretend like I'll see people often and make my way to the next thing. 


Sometimes, I'm even tempted to just Irish goodbye it. Because I just don't want to acknowledge it. 


But cheer up. There's always a new adventure, no matter where I go. And I always land on my feet. In fact, already have. Let's celebrate Friday with these fun things that happened this week.

Steven's medley was on the Oprah farewell!!

Luckily, my reasons for extended academia are a bit different than most.

This cool movie from DS Dundee based on the Gordon Duff Pennington poem

I want this. Because sometimes, it'd be nice to just put it out there, so you can collect.

My new calling cards might look something like this. So pretty.

Though, I really think Steven & I should be writing the Alice in Wonderland musical, if it couldn't be us, I'll gladly take my pals Duncan and Steven. 

It's here, It's here!

From the minute I found out Bon Iver would have a cover of the Bonnie Raitt classic "I Can't Make You Love Me" on his new album, I got shivers. I jumped up and down. It's only on the preorder, which, obvs, I don't have yet. But! Thanks to Jimmy Fallon, and the nice folks at NBC, who, for once, didn't block this in the UK, I got a preview! 


I don't know about the stuff he's pairing it with. And let's just say, I'm looking forward to his all Bon Iver-y production techniques on it, because I don't think he is "the voice" to sing it so sparsely. But either way, I was happy to get the little fix. Because "I Can't Make You Love Me" is one of the all-time great songs of the world in my opinion. Just.... yes. It was the first song I ever sang in public and the one I still enjoy singing the most. If I could write a song that good, I'd retire. 

Watching The Wire with Brits

So. I have decided that, since almost every conversation I have, I reference The Wire, it's time I served as an ambassador of its greatness to my British friends and host watching nights at my new flat. They've all expressed interest, but many of them have been under the same impression: "didn't they broadcast it with subtitles in the UK?" Which isn't true. No doubt, it can be intimidating-- hundreds of characters, oceans of slang, measured pace at times. But I mean, it's not like I knew anything about that world when I started watching. 


The genius of The Wire is you don't have to know that world or its language when you start watching. The writing is so contextual, and one of the best examples of NOT just using exposition, but allowing the story to reveal the info, that as long as you're paying attention, you'll get it. 


Remember how I mentioned my run-in with Paul Rudd as one of only two celebrity encounters that actually enriched my life? Well the other one, the real one, and one of my all-time greatest NY moments was the night August: Osage County won the Tony Award. I was at their after party. I had just recently re-seen the show, obviously, because Jim True-Frost, aka, Prezbo (my fave) from The Wire, had gone into the show. At the party, we had a long conversation about the show, art, life. It was amazing. They always say Dickensian about The Wire. But it's just true. And not just because there's a million characters who will all cross over each other at some point. But because of the way it illuminates bureaucracy and social infrastructure. I'd say about 80% of everything I know about how the world actually works I learned from The Wire. 


So while I do anticipate a few good laughs from me having to translate some Baltimore-ese to my pals, I still think they'll see its utter brilliance. Fellow Wire fans out there, can you think of any potential areas that just won't make sense? I'm trying to head them off at the pass. In case you've forgotten, here is the amazing video, 100 Best Quotes from The Wire and it's follow up, 100 more best quotes. Oh, indeed. 

Also, this. And this. 

move dust through the light to find your name

I can't stop listening to Perth from the leaked Bon Iver album. I've preordered the real deal, so I don't feel too bad about listening to it now. Plus, I'm in love. At least with this song. It's one of those great moments where in some ways I have no idea what the song means, and in others, I know exactly. 


Because what it means... is the exact feeling you have when you're in a place or with a specific person.  These may or may not even be the real lyrics. He's probably definitely not talking about Perth in Scotland. And somehow, it doesn't matter. Because this song is already about a specific feeling to me. 

Iʼm tearing up, across your face
move dust through the light

To find your name
It's only faint

This is not a place

Not yet awake, I'm raised to make

Still alive for you, love

Still alive for you, love

Still alive for you, love

In a matter of a month

From forests, for the soft

Gotta know been lead aloft

So rid of all your stories

What I know, what it is, is boring – wire it up

Now breaking new ground

It's obviously not technically out yet, but here is a kid doing a stripped down cover of at least the front half/guitar melody part (back half is drums) if you want to check it out. Also this. 

UPDATE: NPR First Listen

artist hunting- seventy tree

I've been on a quest lately for more Edinburgh and UK based artists and writers. Through Emily Hogarth, I've sort of run into a few new indulgences. Zoe from Conversation Pieces is based in Edinburgh, and Devon based Kerry Layton. 


If my walls weren't so full already, I'd be ordering some of these larger pieces from her online shop Seventy Tree. Instead, maybe I'll just get these sweet typewriter and camera postcards. It's rainy and windy here, but I'm still blissful after a most-wonderful weekend of music and road trips and winning scrabble with favorite people. Hope you're having a bright, excellent Monday. If not, Kerry Layton and Seventy Tree can probably help with that!

Childhood Imagination Spaces

Looking back, I can't remember a single one of my childhood bedrooms before I moved in with my dad. And yet I know I had a million imagination spaces. Places where I would go to be by myself and daydream. Most of them were outside actually. I'd spend a lot of time looking for hideaways hidden in hedges or up in an apricot tree. Stairwells that were mostly hidden. Or even the adobe hut I built in my backyard. (Yes, real adobe.)


I think these spaces are really important for children. I know that's where I let my brain/imagination go wherever it wanted and it's probably part of why I'm a writer. I remember that Emily's little sister, Olivia (though we called he almost nothing but Yaya when she was little) had the most amazing dreaming nook. It was really just a little crawl-space closet under a stairwell, but Emily's mom painted it lavender and decked it out with all kinds of things for Yaya to love and dream to. I secretly covet that space even today, and used to crawl into it just for a minute, up until I was about eighteen. 


Where was your childhood imagination space? Wouldn't the room above be amazing? Even though there's pretty much no chance, due to the unfortunate decorating trends of the 80's, that my room ever looked like this, I'm going to dream that it did. I'm going to pretend that curly haired little blonde girl was me and this was one of my rooms I can't remember. 

Neighborhood Tour- Circus Lane

This afternoon, I'm off to Bamff for a concert of the lovely Sophie. I love road trips and I love Bamff. Torcuil is even helping me get some of my heavier belongings to Edinburgh in his car. Why do I have so much stuff?? Having so much stuff is part of why I had Emily mail my birthday package to Edinburgh instead of Deans Court. 


But when that care package was delivered while I was away from my flat, they sent it to "my local post office" which it turns out was about a 45 minute walk away. I took it as an opportunity to actually explore the rest of my neighborhood and Edinburgh as a whole. Here's what I saw as I walked through Circus Lane, an adorable street that my bedroom window looksout onto, and one I'd been meaning to check out for a while. 


It will be part of my intro to Stockbridge that I'll be giving you over the next few weeks. Hope you're having a great Saturday!

My Next Read- The Sea Detective

I know what my next read will be. Especially since classes are over, I am now back in charge of my own reading list. I haven't actually met Mark Douglas-Home, but he's a friend of a friend, and his wife is just lovely! 

So I'm picking up The Sea Detective (and you probably should too). Scotland, plus academia, plus macabre? Sign me up! 

The book comes from a small publishing house called Sandstone Press. I'm kind of pumped about this Highlands-based house for having books in Gaelic, as well for having many of their titles available on the Kindle. 

The book and it's author a recommendation from birthday girl, Zeph! Happy b-day, lady!

Rodin Roses

Remember that time I went to Paris twice in one month? Yeah, me too. With all the non-stop fun happening, I haven't even had time to upload and post my fun pics from my trip with the Rob. It was short, but sweet. I think my favorite was our trip to the Rodin. It was a gorgeous day and we sat in the garden among the sculptures and roses eating our homemade lunch and talking about life.


The more I'm around gardens, the more I want one. I do have a shared garden in my new flat (or a "shared jungle" as Zeph calls it). Maybe I'll actually try to make something of it. I've never had anything even resembling a yard in my adult life, but I sure wouldn't mind having roses. And peonies! Oh, I'd die for peonies. Anyone else have gardens in the city? What do you grow?

Scottish Beach Party!

Though it's far too cold to actually don a bathing suit, this past weekend, we had a little beach barbecue just outside Edinburgh at Tyninghame. We brought a miniature, disposable, fairtrade barbecue in a box (did you know they make those?) to cook sausages and roast marshmallows. And of course, I continued my education about things that actually live in nature. 


We drank cider, but wished we'd brought a bottle opener (or ANY utensils, for that matter) when we hurt ourselves trying to get the things open. Charlie, one of Scotland's leading environmentalists, may have gone for a long run in his boxers and crashed a wedding up the beach (or maybe he just ran around the other side of the rock and sat down for a bit.) The highlight of the day was our spontaneous gymnastics competition. I won points for my cartwheels and round offs. 


But the main event was clearly the family showdown between Torcuil & Iona in the most challenging of all feats: the headstand. There was some debate about who actually did the better headstand, and to be honest, I still can't decide. 


So I put it up to you, dear readers. Who had the better headstand? I can see a few things-- I mean,  Torcuil's overall posture is straighter, but he clearly hasn't learned to point those toes or keep his legs straight. He is, however, 6 feet tall. Iona has great point, but is bent at the hips. What do you think?

Tuesday Nibbles

I'm sitting here in my new kitchen, listening to BBC Radio, nibbling some oat cakes and drinking my house-brew homemade coffee from Artisan Roast. I keep trying to go back to St Andrews, but there's always a good reason to be in Edinburgh (it's definitely not the weather). Today, I really will go back, but only to return again the next day with another big suitcase. In the meantime, here's all the other stuff I'm snacking on....

Heard this Bon Iver interview and new single yesterday on BBC Radio 1. 

I keep thinking about this essay Jonathan Franzen wrote in the New Yorker about isolation, re-visiting Robinson Crusoe, rare bird watching on Masafuera island, and most importantly, his friend David Foster Wallace. It's a whopping 28 pages, so you have to be committed. If you don't have a subscription, let me know you're serious, and I'll send you a copy. 

Speaking of DFW, here's a thing about his obsession with grammar. Oh, grammar. 

Poets are supposed to be rebels. J-Stew, your logic is impeccable, always. "Selective Outrage Machine." Amazing. 

Thanks, NPR, for explaining why things are annoying! (And they wanted to cut off your funding....)

If I weren't a writer, maybe it would be fun to be a font designer. I like this site for fun fonts.

More bedding I'm lusting after. Stop it. Stop it, Ryann. 

The pleated front thing that's happening right now is sort of delightful to me in an aesthetic sense, (sort of makes me think of nerd girls and people who work on newspapers-- hey, that's me!) but less delightful because of how I'm built. I'm short (duh) with narrow hips, wide waist and a big rib cage, so most of those high-waisted things just don't look good on me. There's exactly one style of them that look right on me. I have a pair of khakis from H & M that do the trick. But look at these cute jeans! 

I had to break down and order a monogram mug online. I just couldn't wait until the Anthro opened here... I got the F mug though instead of R. It was cuter. 

Motivation on Monday

Dena made this is awesome idea board for my room on Olio Board. It's keeping me motivated while I schlep suitcases and heavy things all over this windy city. Today, I went out in a leather jacket and a winter coat and scarf and was still cold. Sigh.


I'll be excited to get everything in there and feel settled. Getting the room painted was a milestone though. Parma Grey turned out to be a much more straightforward blue than I had hoped for... I was hoping for some dimensions. But it is still a pretty color and I especially like the look of my new vintage Lothian map against it.

Even more, I can't wait for these heavenly sheets (you know how I feel about sheets!) and the curtains. Bad news about Edinburgh... anything that gets delivered to my flat when I'm not here goes to a Post Office that is a 40 minute (!!) walk away from here. Seriously? Makes me wish I could drive an adorable little Figaro like this one. I suppose I'd need to get my driver's license back to do that....

today feels like this-- sunlight over me no matter what I do

Today, I went to an Antique Festival in Ingleton (more on that later) painted my room Farrow and Ball's Parma Grey (thanks Iona) ate at Hector's and this was the song I had in my head. Happy Sunday! 

Tigerlily is One!

Happy birthday to the baby who lights up my life, little Miss Tigerlily. She is such a joy in every way. How she waves to me on Skype and smiles with her big two front teeth. She's everything I love about her mom, plus a whole lot of her own special qualities. And I will always have a very special bond with her because I was there from the very first moment of her life. I can't wait until she's older and I can be her wacky and eccentric cool artsy Aunt Ryann, but I'm also excited for every moment in between. Tigerlily, I love you! 

Broadway's Elphaba sings Villain's Girl

Sorry this post is so late. Thanks for being down all day, blogger! (And for deleting things!) I was rather busy today anyhow, packing to move stuff to Edinburgh and turning in my last short story of the semester. The last thing I'll turn in before my dissertation.  But I have exciting news!

New Yorkers can hear our fan fave, The Villain's Girl at York Theatre's NEO 7 Concert. That's New/Emerging/Outstanding at the wonderful York Theatre uptown THIS Monday at 7:30PM! Here is all the info below. Annoyingly, they did not put my name on the poster... sigh... but it is on the program, so I guess that's good. 

If you're in NYC, check it out. I mean, it's Elphaba, singing VOTE! Clearly, we're on a mission to get everyone who's ever been in Wicked to sing songs from VOTE! ha ha. Happy Friday!

We Salute at the Threshold of the North Sea

Blink, and you'd miss it. It's already here, the end of the program. Today was our last class, last workshop. About half the class was already gone and what was left was this tasty reduction-- the core group that's been giving each other feedback all year. It was a nice, productive workshop. I think we all got a lot out of it. 


Afterwards, we went to lunch. Later, we'll play pool with Don Paterson. And I think that the only reason I'm not filled with anxiety about savoring these last bits is because I don't have to leave. I think if I was only allowed to stay the one year, I'd be a wreck. Because, at least for me, it's not enough. I feel like I just got here. And that I'm just starting something. 


Which is, of course, because I am. In a lot of ways, I'm just beginning the real work I came here to do-- a lot of which was writing, but a lot of which was something bigger than that in my life. A feeling I wanted to have about the world and my place and my work's place in the world. I wanted to feel on solid ground again about what I do and what I think about what I do. The value in what I do. 


It's easy to let other people assign value to what you do. If you have anything public, and you go on the internet, it's very easy to see the value that other people assign to what you create. But I was raised in a Buddhist organization who's name means Value Creation. And I can't help but want to go back to that. To just keep creating whatever value I can in whatever way I can. 


And like the great agent Sara Douglas once told me, the greatest of decisions you can make in your career is deciding who to listen to. I've pared it down to just those I need. And I trust that all the rest will fall into place somewhere within this time I've carved out for myself-- here on the North Sea, in Edinburgh, and all the other places of the world where I'll be looking for valuable stories. 


This was sort of The Song for everyone when we got here, but I think it's better now than it was then. Sometimes, I think about where I'd be emotionally, mentally, whatever, if I had stayed in New York. But in the end...  I just think this:

And if I hadn’t come now

To the coast to disappear

I may have died in a land-slide

Of the rocks, and hopes and fears.

So swim until you can’t see land.

The Lighthouse

One of the great joys in life is finding people who share your passions and ambitions. Especially when it comes to artistic endeavors, I just love knowing other people who don't make excuses and just go out and carve out a space for themselves in the world. Those are my favorite people. 


Yesterday, after our last poetry seminar (about Poetry & the Spirit-- more on that later) we went out for drinks with D. Pats, our esteemed and genuinely hilarious professor. My pal (and new neighbor!!) Sarah and I were talking about starting some arts consulting pre-festivals. I was so excited to start work on a consulting project. Sometimes, it's easy to think of yourself as low on the food chain. Then I think about how much I've learned in the last ten years and how much advice on starting shows I give away for free. 


Of course, I'll always give advice away for free to my friends. But think of all those people out there with ambition and no resources. No idea even where to begin. So we're going to be there for those folks. Consider this your pre-announcement. And once Sarah and I figure out the deets, I'll announce more. If you know of anyone planning anything in any of the Edinburgh festivals, check back. Because for a (very small) fee, you can have all the stuff rattling around our brains. 


Sarah's already done it successfully with her LOVELY company and website for children's literature consulting/editing, The Lighthouse. Sarah and her business partner have a pretty amazing track record and background. I know a couple of you out there are aspiring children's and YA authors (including me!) so I thought you'd appreciate knowing about them! 


I think it's just great. I can remember sometimes where I just wanted someone who knew what they were doing to guide me. And I can think of no sweeter, more knowledgeable, smiley lady to guide anyone than Ms. Sarah Stewart. Check them out on their website, and facebook too! 

Edinburgh via Etsy

Whenever I'm busy with work (big story due on Friday!) and various other less than pleasant responsibilities like moving, I try to focus on the upside. Which will eventually be the decoration of my room. Dena's been helping me! Along the way, I've found a lot of cute stuff that I'll have to pass on, but I thought I'd share with all of you! 


A lot of sweet people have written to me about their upcoming moves to Scotland/Edinburgh/etc. I love talking to you about making international moves. (Make sure you watch out for those visa issues!) And I remember when I was just waiting to move... it seemed so far away. I spent a lot of time looking at Scotland things that made the big move day seem sooner. Here are some of the Edinburgh-related goodies I found on Etsy. Because shopping is really good procrastination. 

Vintage Map of Scotland from 1896

A Tartan Taxi in Edinburgh

Victoria Street, Edinburgh

PS- Speaking of shopping Edinburgh, I asked for an Edinburgh city guide on Design Sponge, and I got one! Quick, someone give me something else good to wish for, like World Peace!

A walk in Edinburgh Botanical Gardens

Every day, I say I am going back to St Andrews, and then the lure of something fun with friends keeps me in Edinburgh another day. Yesterday, it was Zaza and The Vicar of Dibley, more furniture assembly, and a beautiful walk in Edinburgh Botanical Gardens. 


The day couldn't decide what it wanted to be until well after lunch time yesterday. Raining, beautiful and Sunny, raining again. But it finally decided on sunny and so we headed out for some great fun exploring the Botanical Gardens and surrounding neighborhoods-- and having a city girl like me learn about new nature-y kinds of things-- like Monkey Puzzle ;) 


We got to the rock garden and the tribute to the Queen Mum. There was the most adorable red-headed little girl frolicking in the labyrinth hedges. You know how I love me some red-headed children.  


And a big Happy Birthday to the magnificent Steven T. Jamail. He makes my whole life (And everyone who hears his music!) better. I just love him! Okay, I really am going back to St Andrews today... as soon as this rain lets up. 

shell-covered walls in the memorial to Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon

pom-pom flower

red-headed, frolicking child. adorable.