Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Disappointing Blue Sea, of Cliche

How, how HOW did this get good reviews? HOW? You KNOW I was poised to love this film. I was so excited I got all sigh-y and everything. Let me enumerate.

- Post war London!
- costume drama!
- Rachel Weisz!
- Tom Hiddleston!
- Based on a play
- Vivien Leigh starred in the original movie! 
- costume drama!

And yet. From the very beginning, with its intrusive score and just constant constant melodrama, I have almost never disliked a film more. The whole audience was giggling in some of the more egregious scenes of Tom Hiddleston (great as F. Scott Fitzgerald in Midnight in Paris) doing essentially a caricature of... what?... the thing that most came to mind was Michael Fassbender as Archie Hicox in Inglourious Basterds

I mean, I can deal with a certain level of impressionism and melodrama, but there was not one fresh line, not one real moment of character development to know why these people were in love with each other or why they couldn't be together. 

(During an inane, abrupt fight at a museum) 
Her: "Where are you going?!"
Him: "To the impressionists!"

The scenes just rehash each other. Freddie just keeps screaming, "No, because if I stay, then you'll start talking," as if the most torturous idea of all was a woman who actually wanted to hold him accountable for something. 

The camera following Rachel Weisz's constant, slow puffs of smoke gave me a migraine from my constant eye-rolling. How could such a beautiful film turn out SO SO badly. I must know what Jon Schumann thinks! Please see it, Jon, and send me your fizzy snark. 

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