this love i got for you could take me 'round the world

It's 7:30 AM and I'm up packing again. I slept my last night in my bed and soon Steven will be coming to pick it up from me. It's going to be a long weekend, which is why I'm glad I have my favorite childhood pop star's massive comeback. I've been listening to both versions of this song on repeat for the last week. And I haven't liked some pop songs this much maybe since... well "Show Me Love" and "Do You Know What it Takes."

Robyn - Hang With Me official video from Robyn on Vimeo.
                                                                              

Happy Birthday, Erin!

It's not quite her birthday yet (it's on Saturday) but I'm so excited, I just can't wait! 

I'm a really lucky girl because I met both my life-long best friends on the exact same day when I was ten years old. I can always find something new to say about how much I love my Erin Penelope O'Beaknor (most of those are pseudonyms, in case you couldn't tell...) but I find that I said everything I want to say about her, love, her presence in my (and everyone's) life and how lucky she makes me feel here, in the speech I gave at her wedding. Sometimes, when I feel like the world is a place with no rhyme or reason, I read this story and remember, "Wow."


Erin, I love you today, tomorrow, and every blessed day I've gotten to have you in my life. I can't wait to meet little Luke! 

Originally delivered April 28, 2007

Dallas, Texas

I think I can safely stand here today and say that no two people were ever so meant to be together. Because, you see, if they weren’t…meant to be… there is simply no way we would be here today. There were simply too many details that had to line up. You can’t make this stuff up, folks. Looking around the room tonight, I can’t help but feel something beyond the amazing power of details, of dreams, of destiny, even past the divine, but of something else… something that, as we get older, it seems harder and harder to believe in. Something….well, magic.

 This is a story that starts years before Joel and Erin ever met, and even years before David and I met. No, this story starts 15 years ago, when a weird, scared little kid was fortunate enough to be a new student on the exact same day, in the middle of the semester, as Erin… at Selma F. Bartlett Elementary School. Someone was surely looking out for me that day, because on that day, I met the two best friends I’m ever going to have in my life, or could ever hope to have. Just when you need some magic in your life, there will be Erin.

 And for fifteen years, I have had the unequalled privilege of having a kind of soul mate in Erin. This girl is so special. An afternoon with Erin is nothing short of twinkly. Every joke is funny, every mundane event is perfect because she is there. Erin has this ability to see people and really understand who they are. She has the ability to make you feel so comfortable in your own skin, you forget that anyone else exists. She puts people at ease. She makes you feel like the funnest version of yourself.  When I’m around her, I breathe a huge sigh of relief, knowing I am perfectly understood, that I would never have to explain myself, because she already knows what I mean. And that’s why everyone feels close to Erin. Erin is someone who understands the little details of people. To be around her, and I’m sure Joel will agree with me, is a touch of magic.

 So we roll down through the years to high school, to 1999, and I actually have a distinct memory of us walking to out to Erin’s car, to go somewhere after school, when I said, “You know, I think I’m going to go to Georgia and study Christian theology this summer.” And while I may have been known for crazy ideas…this one seemed too much, even for me. I remember Erin replying, “That sounds like the worst idea you’ve ever had. You’re a Buddhist, Ryann. And you want to go to the Bible belt and study Christianity?? Won’t they throw Bibles at you?”

 But I would not be deterred. Even then, I was keeping this wedding on track.

So I went to the thing, where I met one of the most influential people in my life. I have to tell you, when you go away to summer camp, you don’t think you’re meeting the people who will change your life, and everyone around you’s lives forever. But I remember telling Erin all about the cuuutest boy ever over lunch at Memphis BBQ when I got back…I like to think of that lunch and the look on Erin’s face as she listened, having no idea that 5 years later, I was going to set her up on a blind date with that cute boy’s cute best friend.

I remember when she texted me the day after that date…. I still have it. I heart Joel. I think I knew even then that we would be standing here today.

 I have given a looooot of wedding speeches over the years, so I’ve done some reading on MOH speech etiquette. Emily Post says you’re supposed to offer a few words of advice to the newly married couple…which, seems a bit inappropriate coming from me…the last of us to remain single, but, never without something to say, I have some advice nevertheless.

 Always remember the amazing set of details that it took to get you here today. And remember, that God literally had a hand in putting you two together. Know that the seemingly smallest or whimsical decisions can change your life in magical ways.

 So when you have the choice to kiss her good bye in the morning, or not… when you have the choice to make up after a fight, or not… when you could compliment him or not…when you could believe in the unbelievable, the incredible…or not… know that it all could have turned out so differently, but because we all have each other, and obviously, a little bit of magic, we are blessed, that it turned out like this. And aren’t we blessed? Aren’t we?

 All the love in this heart on my sleeve, to Erin and Joel and to magic....

Art and Commodities

"Every culture offers its citizens an image of what it is to be a man or woman of substance. There have been times and places in which a person came into his or her social being through the dispersal of his gifts, the “big man” or “big woman” being that one through whom the most gifts flowed. The mythology of a market society reverses the picture: getting rather than giving is the mark of a substantial person, and the hero is “self-possessed,” “self-made." So long as these assumptions rule, a disquieting sense of triviality, of worthlessness even, will nag the man or woman who labors in the service of a gift and whose products are not adequately described as commodities. Where we reckon our substance by our acquisitions, the gifts of the gifted man are powerless to make him substantial."

Man, Lewis Hyde's The Gift is really amazing.  I had read it before I got my kindle, but am now re-reading it (I feel like a broken record with this) and  just processing it on a new level. 


Funny because when I was reading "E Unibus Pluram" again earlier this summer, every few sentences, I would think, "And that's why I have to get out of this country, head somewhere rural and just do my own thing..." and now, that's exactly what I think every few sentences reading Lewis Hyde. 


I think a lot about what America values...it's certainly not art! And going back to the public domain thing I've been discussing in several other posts-- the sheet music/NYMF one and the one about the Tolstoy film, The Last Station, Lewis Hyde makes total sense to me. As a principal, I actually do think art is a gift that belongs to the masses. But  I also think artists need the time, focus, and relative security in  order to make art. And if you're working 50 hours a week at a day job so you can pay rent, it doesn't really leave room to create on a significant level. So someone needs to respect art enough (the way that it does make life better-- it does) and the people who make it enough to help them keep on creating.


When countries and rich families valued art, not as a commodity necessarily, but as a part of fulfillment, we had amazing art. I'm not fully landed on one solution or another, but I am fully consumed by the questions and ideas raised in The Gift. It's an amazing perspective slant. (I'm also looking forward to Hyde's newest book, Common as Air, which is out August 17th. If you haven't read The Gift, check it out. Even if you're not artsy, it says some amazing things about our psychology regarding gifts vs capital. 

a moorish honeymoon with McC

One of the things that makes me really happy lately is all the people who have promised to come visit me in Scotland-- and seem to be really serious about it, not just lip servicey (and as someone who throws out crazy ideas, but then actually does them, I have a keenly developed detector of when people don't mean what they say).

My friend, McC, actually takes the cake though, because this December, we're going to have a glorious train/road trip around England and Scotland where hopefully, "at least one of us will find the love of our lives." And this trip is PLANNED. But then again, I've never known her to not mean business. She got her inspiration from Martha Stewart's honeymoon planning section. It's an odd time to think of a traditional honeymoon with so many of my friends currently getting divorced, and I think no matter what, this particular honeymoon would be much better spent with McC than a husband.


One month from now, I won't work at Davenport anymore and two months from now, I'll actually be staring classes (I only have classes Tues-Thursday, so my first day will be the 28th.) I have a list so long of places I want to see. Even places close to St. Andrews-- like Tigerlily. McC and I are definitely staying here on her trip and for super obvious reasons, Emily, Tigerlily and I will have to stay here. This place is divine. I would live here if I could I think. It's very much my taste. Being named after Tigerlily helps, too. And! There's even a bar called Lulu in it, which was one of my nicknames as a kid too!

the last roll of kodachrome ever

It's Tuesday, but it feels like Monday. Spent the weekend kayaking in Tennessee, started my exciting visa journey, and watched the first round of stuff leave my apartment on the way to new homes. 


And speaking of impermanence, I'm dying to know what's on Steve McCurry's last ever roll of Kodachrome film. Something about this story is really haunting to me. A beautiful thing going extinct. It's interesting to me, especially since so many photographers have huge issues with permanence/impermanence...it's why they take pictures in the first place. 


I'm a huge fan of his work, and not just the famous Afghan Girl. 


I really love digital and the freedom it gives (esp amateur) photographers. But don't you sort of miss the mystery of real film? Wondering what things you got? It seems that the element of a bigger hand is missing anymore. The mysterious divine that lends itself to pictures if you actually know how to use your camera. 

sleeping on love letters

This isn't really a shopping or a design blog by any means, but I do love to nest. I'm already decorating my room in Scotland-- tucked away in the eaves of my castle, with a big dormer windows that look out onto the beach or the cathedral ruins...whichever. 


Of course, my cherry blossom sheets (at least pillow cases) are coming with me and I think I'm keeping the same color scheme I have in my room now, but I think I'll be adding these to my sad twin sized bed in Scotland. Love letter bedsheets! Genius!

I heart franklin mott

I love him. He's easily my favorite character in season three. James Frain is always good, but this might be my favorite. I love how some stupid review of season 3 (maybe they were joking, but it didn't seem that way) was mocking his accent as fake...'cept he actually IS British. Sigh. 

Of course, I post this and then watch the week's ep. Did I jinx you, Franklin? I hope not. The back half of this season looks (and I normally hate when this word is over-applied) delicious. 

Season 3: Second Half Preview 2

My Care is Like My Shadow

Working a lot on rewriting the opening number for Nicholas & Alexandra. I love the music for it, but Steven wanted to give me more room to run with the lyrics and now that all the lyrics are from the children, who (if they don't know they are going to die) know that they will never rule themselves. A lot of what's interesting to me about this show, about writing anything about monarchs is that they're perhaps some of the only people who have a clear indication of their place in history, of the weight of their actions. 


Some of the most amazing freedom is the freedom to disappear as a spec of dust in the universe, to get lost in the wilderness, to know for a moment that you don't matter. That your actions don't have grave consequences for many. I think about their burden, especially as children. 

So I wanted each of them to briefly consider their place-- individually, as well collectively: Russia's/the Romanovs' place amongst the great rulers of history. And I was looking at writings and poems of some of the greats-- mostly Henry VIII & Elizabeth (they were really the best writers, or at least the best sense to surround themselves with good writers) (not to mention, the Romanovs had quite a bit of British ancestry happening, even if the Tudors and the Hanovers were not really related, and in fact were mostly German, but then if you start pulling at the genetic threads of European, you're gonna be pulling for a while.... My point is, they spoke English with each other and followed quite a few English customs. )


I keep going back to one of my favorite poems by Elizabeth I, "On Monsieur's Departure," which is in its own way about that burden. And I feel I may have Alexei quote her or echo her for the new opener. 

I grieve and dare not show my discontent,

I love and yet am forced to seem to hate,

I do, yet dare not say I ever meant,

I seem stark mute but inwardly do prate.

I am and not, I freeze and yet am burned,

Since from myself another self I turned.

My care is like my shadow in the sun,

Follows me flying, flies when I pursue it,

Stands and lies by me, doth what I have done.

His too familiar care doth make me rue it.

No means I find to rid him from my breast,

Till by the end of things it be supprest.

Some gentler passion slide into my mind,

For I am soft and made of melting snow;

Or be more cruel, love, and so be kind.

Let me or float or sink, be high or low.

Or let me live with some more sweet content,

Or die and so forget what love ere meant.

There is a wonderful song adaptation of the poem by Martin Phipps and the Mediaeval Baebes for the BBC "Elizabeth I: The Virgin Queen" about five years ago. 

On weekends, I love to get lost in costume dramas and royal family trees. If you're like me, check out one or all of the above mentioned. :)

the longest week is almost over

Wow, it's been a long week. And as much as I'm happy to see it end, as stressed and not sleeping as I was this week, I still got a lot done. I found out an NY friend of mine is also headed to Scotland in September-- for a different program, in Glasgow (we might share some shipping), got most of my pre-Visa appt stuff figured out, solved my massive "what to do with my beautiful 27 inch Mac" problem,  and thanks to an old high school friend, made friends with such a cool Scots folk singer, who seems super fun and friendly, went to St. Andrews, and her brother is still there doing a phd. More on her later, but I have a good feeling about that one. 


I'm off to Chattanooga for the shortest trip ever and then back for more Visa excitement. 


Still worried about how much stuff I need to sell and give away. Astoria friends in particular, if you need any furniture, come on down and get it!! Other lady friends, I have 2 boxes of shoes (if you're a size 7.5/8) lots and lots of clothes and various other cute household items not worth showing via photographs, but if you want rugs, laser printers, lamps, frames, books, kitchen stuff, pillows, mirrors, etc. I'll be home pretty much every night this week and it needs to be gone by Sunday. So let me know if you want to come shopping!

last of the great NYC evenings

I've been trying to spend quality time with all my favorite New York people in all my favorite NY places (and some places I've somehow managed to still never go.) It distracts me from worrying about getting everything together before I leave...it also distracts me from actually getting everything ready for me to leave...  After our recording session last Saturday, Steven & John and I went down to eat outside in Battery City Park. I had never been! The sunset was so pretty. And something about the fact that we'd finished the Irish American Potato famine museum, but still haven't begun to rebuild the Towers was pretty depressing. What would you do with your last 4 weekends in NYC?

Also had a great work session & chill out on the Rosie's Terrace. It was really foggy so pretty in midtown  that night. And we decided maybe we could be ready to have a Nicholas & Alexandra reading before I left.  

Please buy my stuff! 

Castles

I talk about castles... a lot. They're like beacons. Actual stone proof of something grand and the possibility of something magical.


Obviously, as a child I loved castles. Who doesn't? That's when you love them in theory, in fantasies, in the stories you make up for yourself, late at night, when you can sleep, and you play all the characters.


Then you wise up. The shine wears off your optimism. People start to tell you that castles are awful-- drafty, remote, impossible to heat, expensive, impossible to keep from falling apart. Possibly even worse than that, they keep getting turned into museums or banks or funeral homes or insane asylums.


Being in America, you have very little real experience with them though. You can only go off these stories you hear and what other people tell you. And it turns out that while these people may technically be right, actually, they are dead dead wrong.


Because when you see a castle in real life, you realize one remarkable, soul-soaring truth: castles are perhaps the only thing in life I've seen so far that as good (or better) both in real life and in adulthood.


Imagining the way life was, the way it would go, how many things can you think of that actually surpassed your expectations when they actually transcended your imagination? Or how many of the things from your childhood remained unsullied by adulthood...continued to loom as large and magical as when you made up worlds for yourself late at night?


The first time I saw a castle in real life-- it was the first time my Dad and I went to Scotland-- we drove a car we rented and we'd pull off the road anytime there was the roadmap icon for one. We went castle-chasing for two weeks. Because after the first one, I couldn't stop thinking about them. How miraculous they were! How easy it was to feel awe in their midsts. The only thing to own up to their end of the imagination covenant. Still standing, still majestic despite a completely different way of living, still asking you to contemplate that majesty-- especially your own.


A castle, of course, is a metaphor. And of course, part of what's good about this revelation for me is the metaphor, but part of what makes a castle truly marvelous (something to marvel at)  is not just want it stands for, but what it literally is. It is the Borromean Knot-- all at once Real, Symbolic, Imaginary. It is literally as good as you thought it would be. (or better!) And how many things we held as sacred as children can we still say that about?


So I keep on believing in as many castles of the world as I can-- the ones in Scotland and Italy and Austria-- anywhere I can find them, so for a moment, I can stand back and experience awe. 

you'll ride next year the way you rode before

"The fame that has escaped you doesn't matter/because you'll ride next year the way you rode before." - Dave Zauner

 Hey everyone! I know I'm like, "hey, buy this, hey buy that" (but you love my furniture and stuff, right?) This, for the time being, is more of a donation, but I really just can't stress enough that I want this more for my dad than I want pretty much anything for myself. 


Do you know what your parents' dreams were/are? If you even had a slight ability to help make it come true for them, wouldn't you try to do everything you could? That's how I feel! 


So please watch this that I made, sort of telling the story of the Steamboat Springs Band and check out what we're trying to do to make this the greatest come back story ever!


We're only 10% to our goal so the guys can record the album. If they don't make the goal, they don't get any of  the money. So if you remember those times in High School when my dad let you use his recording studio, or he totally played that amazing practical joke on you, or gave you the most amazing Buddhist advice when you really needed it, or sent you an inspirational text message every morning, then log in to your amazon account (it's easy) and kick over $5. It's not for me, it's for Pops. And he genuinely is the greatest. If you don't believe me, here's just one (of many many) examples. 

Havi on TV

Hey everyone! Wow, thanks for all the hits on the Buy My Life stuff! Who knew moving to Europe made you so popular!? Anyhow, tonight, my bestie, Haviland, (the insanely talented fierce belter who was pretty much the first person to believe in me & Steven in this ole business)  is camping it up as the Texas Town Snob on the Lifetime movie, The Client List.  (Co-starring Jennifer Love Hewitt and Cybill Shepherd.) Check it out tonight at 9PM. Because who doesn't love 1. Haviland 2. Movies about women who accidentally fall into prostitution to support their families? RIGHT?? And here's a sneak peak:

Also cool: it is a small world after all! Awesome fellow Rice alum/Georgia native/Willy's Pub drinking buddy (and amazing film maker!) Stephen Fell also worked on this movie. He & Hav somehow figured out they both knew me in a car ride somewhere in the Canadian wilderness (at least that's how it goes in my head)...crazzzzy. Nexus. of. the. Universe. 

buy my life- part 2

More stuff for you to buy! I move out of my house in just about 2 weeks and then leave NYC in about 6 weeks. Been knocking some things off my NYC bucket list. I'll probably post some pictures from that this week too. Finished "In Your Name" from Nic & Alix in the studio this weekend (On  the 92nd Anniversary of their assassination, no less.) It's a goosebump-giver, that's for sure! Autumn & John )who sang the much different version at our VOTE OR DIE concert a while ago return for the recording, along with the super talented, buttery-voiced Jeremy Jordan (current Tony in West Side Story-- go see him if you can! [super side note, that show has one of the best commercials I've ever seen for a Broadway show) Thanks to those fab folks-- making me not want to leave NYC! But I must. Now, make me an offer :)

Francis Francis Espresso Machine and Julian Schnabel espresso set (this is really nice) $150

separates

Espresso machine and Julian Schnabel cup set $150.00 Just espresso machine $100.00 just cups $50.00

yes, it's a microwave. need one? $20?

previously mentioned armoire- holds a lot! $50

set of 2 bookshelves- $50

large flower water color in frame - $50 OBO, vintage Modigliani print- $10

Zebra Chair- $100- SOLD

Hiroshige 36 Views of Fuji print in frame, Renoir print in frame-SOLD $15 each


PS- friends willing to come to Astoria, I have bags of clothes and various other little items that I'll just be giving away or selling for next to nothing. Just let me know. 
For more things I'm selling, check here

*** Easy way to pay via paypal RIGHT NOW if you'd like: Just click the button below "I'm a student now" or click here and donate the total amount of the items you'd like to buy! Just write in the notes what you're taking. (It helps if you've already told me what you want so I make sure I don't sell something twice :) Any questions, hit me up at ryann at littlewowproductions.com 

constant tangential thinking

Of course, since that (admittedly silly) I Write Like deal, I've been suuuuuper thinking about Nabokov. (Really, though I suppose I enjoy any excuse to go into a manic, exploratory k-hole about a writer).

When I was linking you to Nabokov's wiki page the other day, I couldn't help but notice this:

Can you imagine??? Can you imagine being 17 years old and inheriting that estate??? I remember being 17 very vividly and actually possibly my all-consuming goal for myself in life was not to be rich or a writer or to be good at anything for it's own end, but to be those things SO THAT I could own/maintain an estate such as that (In fact, I had narrowed down the plantation I wanted to several candidates in Georgia). To actually own one AT SEVENTEEN.... it makes little heart palpitate just to think about it!! (This is also the precursor for one of my flagship life philosophies about CASTLES, which I'm preparing to post in the next little bit here).

THEN, (tangent now over) can you imagine inheriting that amazing mansion, owning it for one year, and then LOSING it due to a massive and violent social/politcial/economic upheaval such as the Russian Revolution???

Man, tough break, Nabokov.

week's roundup of little wows

(go here)

Sometimes, even when I'm manic-ly over-committing myself to things and super stressed, the world will back me up with an abundance of marvelous things-- too many to blog about! So here's a round up of all the those dreamy little things I enjoyed and you might too!


If I were rich and had a spare $2000, I'd buy this for my lovely artist friend, Rachel. All artist/illustrator types, check it.


I'm going to talk about Autostraddle in a more complete manner at some point, but in the mean time, I quite enjoyed their thoughts on "The Social Network" trailer. I don't think I've ever disagreed with a single thing Carly Usdin has ever said.


I love cover songs. I mean LOVE cover songs. NPR picks the top five so far of 2010.


My children's book writing co-conspirator, Corinne, is an amazing photographer herself and always has the best eye for photos.


More Faulkner in his own voice. "For Faulkner, there is no such thing as 'was:' the past is always with us." I feel that.


Other than the whole "I'm not sure how I feel about drinking from my own shoe" thing, Dram Sandals sound like my kind of shoe, I think. I also like that they use the very Scottish term, "dram," which ya don't hear too often in the states. Booze in your shoe. I'll take it.


And just one more Allie Brosh (see above). Hyberbole and a Half, you rocked my world this week. I can't get enough.


Finally, I cannot implore you enough. If you have 5 dollars and ever held a fond thought in your mind about my dad, please check this out. He has given me my dreams on a plate. (Some of those dreams filtered down to you!) Please help me give him a bit of his back.

At some point, I start feeling self-congratulatory. this is a mistake.

Drawing by the amazing Allie Brosh

I have an ever-expanding list of people I'd love to be besties with if I ever met. I mention a lot of them here... Jonathan Harris, Liz Gilbert, etc.


The funny thing is, especially with this one particular element, I actually have an odd knack for putting it out there and then it coming true! Someone will say to me...or I'll say to myself, "Ryann, you should be friends with So & So." And then somehow, so many of people I admire or people I'd like to be friends with get jumbled into some kind of social mix with me (because, as Morgan said, and thus Danielle's mom made a line of merch for, I'm the nexus of the universe ;) and then we're friends! 


I love stuff like that.


I also love Allie Brosh, of Hyberbole and a Half, who is cool for so many reasons. And for quite some time now, even though she lives in Montana, I've wished that the two of us were friends.  I bet we'd get into a lot of trouble riding around Montana with the windows rolled down (I'm visualizing this-- we're in like a Bronco or something-- something with good tires) and just messing with people-- saying funny things to them on the street (in my visualization, there are lots of people on the street, but actually now that I think about it, I bet there probably aren't in Montana...who knows). 


I like her warped sense of humor & logic and I like that she says "you can't trick people into liking your blog." Word. (Also, I like that her blog name is alliterative.)


And this week (this whole time in general, actually) when I am totally overwhelmed by my adult obligations and things I've promised to myself to get done before I leave the country, it's nice to have Allie Brosh and this post to remind me that sometimes I'm good at being and adult, but sometimes, I feel like I'll never be a good adult.

It gets to the point where I don't email someone for fear of reminding them that they emailed me and thus giving them a reason to be disappointed in me.

Then the guilt from my ignored responsibilities grows so large that merely carrying it around with me feels like a huge responsibility.  It takes up a sizable portion of my capacity, leaving me almost completely useless for anything other than consuming nachos and surfing the internet like an attention-deficient squirrel on PCP. 

 For your weekend enjoyment, just read her whole website. It's a gas. 


Also check out her store. I could spend about one million dollars in this store at about 4AM in the right insomniac mood, so....yeah.