You had best believe that you cannot build what I don't need

Rare thunderstorms in LA are ushering me to Britain today. 

My itinerary-- a year in the making-- has me feeling a bit shot out of a cannon, but is entirely my own doing. I haven't been back to Scotland since the day I got on the bus in that last wind down to the end. I had that taste of London on the way back from Africa, and I'll admit I still associate the place with the only thing in my life I've ever felt like I failed at. I cried on the circle in. I have felt and still feel a rough letting go of that place and the life I saw for myself there. 

It becomes more complicated the more entrenched I get in my LA life; the more I love it. 

As I cross over anniversaries and milestones, unremarked upon, the more I am having to redefine myself against the hardline definitions I had of myself earlier in my life. I can say to myself now--- you've been away from New  York as long as you were ever there. Why do you still consider yourself a New Yorker? You don't really miss it, you only miss Europe. But LA... 

I still feel torn about my intent. My intent to live as one or many of the incarnations of myself. 

I'm scared of falling out of my life here by being gone so long. I'm scared of missing an opportunity that I've painstakingly built a foundation for here. 

I'm scared it's still not enough time to be in any of the places I'm going to settle into the rhythm. Scared it's not enough time to catch back that magic of my life there. I'm scared that the way I was there will be at odds with the way I am now and I won't be able to reconcile them. I'm scared my practice will fall off and I won't chant because of time, and mindset, and my friends' hard disbelief in Buddhism. 

But CHVRCHES has got my back. Giving us all a new song to sing me to Scotland. And a new album this September 25 -- Every Open Eye. 

And I'm going to give it my best go to report to whatever readers are left here. I can't guarantee I'll be able to. I can't guarantee I'll have anything or anything worthwhile to say. But if I do, I'll be here. Hope to see you.

Onward. To the East and to the North. To London, Edinburgh, Bamff, Skye, Uist, Geneva, Provence, Lugano and everywhere in between, to Dublin, to Clare and back again. 

Monkey Sanctuary - Excerpt

Why hello. Nice to see you again. Nice to have something I wanted to put here. There is much to tell, actually, but now isn't the right time. Right now, I am thinking about the one year anniversary of my very interesting sojourn to Ghana. A year ago right now, I was just settling into my second full day. None of what I'm about to tell you had happened yet.

I've been working on this "short" story for a year. Even in the Accra airport, I began to write this down in notebooks, along with the almost overwhelming amount of emotional and physical information I had taken in over the two weeks.

I can't share everything with you here. But I did want to give you a little taste.

Just for context, here's the blurb:

Somewhere between rekindling a trans-atlantic romance and calling it quits for good, a couple tries a new locale on holiday in Ghana’s Cape Coast. At an isolated nature reserve, an eccentric Dutch couple reveals more than anyone bargained for about our biological evolution when we choose to stay together.

And here is the text! A nice non-emotional, yet meatier middle chunk of 

MONKEY SANCTUARY.

Forty-five minutes later, they were still in the car on the way to the monkey reserve that was “right up the road.”

Casey had underestimated how big Ghana was. Almost everything they said was "close" ended up being an hour drive at least. Maybe it was all the extra police stops you had to make. Every few miles, the police in navy and light blue camo (She couldn’t quite see the point in that particular camo) would pull over every car and inspect. Gordon would warn her each time to hide any electronics. (“They’ll take it. They’ll find a reason to take it.”)

Or maybe everything took so long because-- with the exception of the George W. Bush Expressway, ironically enough, both “The Best Road in All of Africa,” but also simply the best road in all of Africa--  the roads were all so bad.

In LA, the roads always failed at the edges. In Ghana, every road seemed to have huge, craggy chunks pulled up in the middle that had to be sharply swerved around—a kind of alien asphalt phlegm that Ghana kept trying to cough up. The center literally would not hold.

REIGN Takes on Mary Queen of Scots

Let's just say that the mixture of excitement and extreme skepticism I feel about CW's Reign, the quote unquote untold story of Mary Queen of Scots rise to power, mirrors my feelings when I found out they were turning Gone with the Wind into a musical. (And I don't just mean annoyance that I'm not the one writing it!)

As you know, it's tough to say which I love more: musicals or Gone with the Wind. Costume dramas or Scotland (and esp. the problematic Mary Stuart). HOWEVER. To use the comparison I used back in the day for GWTW musical, it's like introducing your childhood best friend to your best friend from college. You love them both. They're both AMAZING. And yet, you have the nagging suspicion that they are NOT going to get along. (Spoiler alert: GWTW as a musical was about as bad as it gets.)

So, I mean, listen. Almost everything about this show is historically inaccurate. Like, everything. To the point that it's not even worth detailing all the many and egregious inaccuracies. And while, I'm mostly ok with that, I'm not thrilled about the casting. I like Adelaide Kane kind of, ya know, in general. But I just am not digging her as Mary (wrong coloring entirely!). I'm really not thrilled about the men. I don't mind making Francis kind of hot. But just... I dunno. Maybe they'll grow on me. And, I know it's not the history channel. It's the CW. That's fine. 

And OBVS, despite my misgivings, I'm still going to watch the shit out of this show. 

The most appealing factor, based on the below extended preview is Mary's relationship with the very historically accurate 4 Marys (Beaton, Seton, Fleming & Livingston, though in Reign, they're condensed to 3 and given insane names like Kenna and Greer) which lasted throughout her life. I like the idea of these 5 (4) women navigating the waters together. 

The least appealing things I can surmise from the below is 
1. Please get someone else doing your copywriting for those text tags in the promos. They are ominous, but do not even make sense.
2. Why do all the French people sound just plain old British? I mean, I guess really they're all speaking French including her, because that's her first language,  in which case British is just the standard, okay. It's murky territory, but it bugs me. I'll elaborate further once I see how they handle some things re: using French at all. 

Reign premieres Oct. 17 at 9 p.m. on the CW.

Music Monday - Madness & The Film

Normally, when it comes to friending strangers, I am the one who knocks. And normally, it's on the subway. Planes are good too, though. And in this particular case, I wasn't even the chatty blonde doing the friending. That was all David Breeze. Well, maybe not ALL. 

On a flight from NYC back to London-- a flight I NEVER should have made...I STILL can't believe I talked my way onto that flight, I was so late-- I was seated next to the friendliest, most America-loving Brit currently living. Even though I had taken a sleeping pill right before he sat down (as is my usual pre-flight ritual) we ended up talking the whole 8 hours.

And we are still friends to this day! Despite frequent moves and job changes on both our parts, and that one time where I threw up on the street in front of him, (whoops!) he still comes to see me! In fact, it's almost like he's following me. (Just kidding.) We've hung out in NYC when we both lived there, and now we rock it Cali style. Funnily enough, the one place we've never hung out is London. But I digress.

While living in New York, David became friends and later band mates with the young Caroline Gorman. And by young, I mean 17. They recorded an EP that's getting more press than you can shake a stick at-- I'm talking New York Times, New York Magazine, and 2 songs (TWO!) featured on the MTV show, Friendzone that aired last week. 

You can stream and download Madness & The Film's EP, Scrapbook, for free. But don't let that stop you from buying it, either. Because... support the arts, people. Even banking honchos are realizing it's important. 

Photo by Kristin Hoebermann, Hoebermann Studios

The One and Only Our Lady J

One of the amazing side benefits of working with Shaping Sound was my chance to reconnect with Our Lady J. She also moved from New York in the relatively recent past and used to work with Steven at Rosie's. She's also one of the best live performers I've ever seen. Her concerts are truly something special and I don't know any musician like her. 

That's an all around statement, in fact. I don't know anyone like her at all, ever. Period. She has a breathtaking version of Dolly Parton's "I Will Always Love You," which Jaimie and Teddy dance to in Shaping Sound and I used the track in my favorite promo video. 

Her fans have been clamoring for a studio album for years and now we're finally getting one! (As long as everything goes according to plan. And that's where you come in.) She's raising money on indiegogo to do this thing RIGHT. And by right, I mean, ON PINK VINYL!! AH!!!!! I want one so bad I can't stand it!! 

There are also a million other cool things you get when you donate-- like a makeover from Lady J (also, I want.) and boob art!! 

I just came from lunch with the Lady herself and I am so inspired. I think she's going to teach me a lot about being a woman. 

Check out everyone else who's been inspired and lending a hand to help this amazing piece of work come to you! This video is star-studded to say the least. (And she was sweet enough to use a section of my video in the video as well.) 

Help fund Picture of a Man here. 

I was at this show:

My Message to Shaping Sound on Opening Night

Before Shaping Sound officially opens tonight, I want to take a minute to talk about the richness of what this experience has given me and what spending 5 weeks with a group of dancers like them has taught me.

I've always known that fundamentally, I lead a cerebral life. I'm a writer. I'm mostly by myself. And if you asked where life exists, I'd easily be able to answer  that life happens in the brain; in my mind. I barely use my body. In many ways, I'm uncomfortable in it. But at the very least, I largely see it as the vessel which stores and facilitates my mind. (Special thanks to hands and fingers for the typing skills.)

I don't live in my body. In fact, I rarely even experience physical contact with other people. But these guys... man. These guys. They live so fully in their bodies. In every way. The way they relate to each other, to the world. The hugs I've gotten these past weeks. 

And more than being inspired by the work they do-- truly one of the most beautiful things I've seen on stage, in 10 years of working in live entertainment-- they have inspired me to be aware of how I live in my body. And to live in it. Get out of my head and into the physical space I'm lucky enough to occupy with those 16 ethereal, funny, drastic, precise, beautiful beings. 

More thanks than I can say, guys. For the lessons, for letting me be a part of it-- one of the best professional and artistic experiences of my career. I'm utterly invested in your success. 

Neil de Grasse Tyson at Rice's 100th Commencement

This past week, Rice graduated it's 100th class,  wrapping up a year's worth of Centennial celebrations. And Rice couldn't ask for a more fitting speaker to bring it all home than astro-physicist badass, Neil de Grasse Tyson. Not only did his wife graduate from Rice (Baker!) but he embodies Rice's marriage to NASA and the American spirit of exploration, commitment to the future, and to the great unknown. 

I don't feel like I live in that America. But I'm glad Tyson is around to remind us to keep pursuing the unknown, the spirit of innovation, of advancing, and of defining the universe-- and thus, the universal. That our pursuit of these things is tied to so many other important aspects of our perspective.

I often miss my time at Rice, and what it represents. But this was one of the most stinging. 

Congrats, class of 2013!

Sunday Scribbles - Untitled

my love is nimble

quick on its feet

for hide and go seek;

a child of science

shrinks down smiling

hides in cabinets

springs forth with soft laughter

to take up all the space in the room

solid

or melts to liquid, seeping into cracks

rises up gaseous

settles in a dew all around

takes on life again but

curls up in your lap to sleep and 

asks for nothing save the sound of us talking

requires no consistent shape

known only for the phosphorescent tail that trails behind it

unless otherwise noted, all poetry copyright Ryann Ferguson

Broadway Barre Tonight!

It's that time again for Broadway Barre and I can't wait to hear my friends sangin'! Join Me!

Someone Wrote That Song

This is an issue that's been going on for a while and I addressed it on this blog back in the day during that kerfuffle with Jason Robert Brown and the kids on his blog. Some say the economics have changed and writers can just go eff themselves, but I really think a lot of it is about education and attitude-- particularly indoctrinating young people. When you teach people that something and someone's work is valuable, they'll think it's valuable. When they see the through-line, they'll understand. I'd still rather give sheet music to someone who couldn't afford it than have it stolen. 

And that's why I'm so excited that Dramatists' Guild and a whole bunch of my friends made this video. Yay for purchasing sheet music and making it so writers can keep writing. 

SMASH Season 2 Premiere - The Fall Out

Hi. I'm back again with the SMASH recapping. No, not the funny ones. That's Rachel Shukert. I'm the painfully earnest one. But I just can't help myself. You can read my thoughts on Part One of the premiere here. Or any of my Season One Recaps from BroadwaySpotted here. Now, onward to part two: The Fallout. 

And indeed, that's what this was. Particularly when held up against that first hour. 

The best thing about the second part of SMASH's season 2 finale was all the Broadway people. In addition to Jeremy Jordan, Andy Mientus & Krysta Rodriguez, this episode gave us Annaleigh Ashford, Mara Davi and the lovely Brynn O'Malley. Not to mention...The Fierstein. 

Tied for the best thing in The Fallout is Megan Hilty's performance of "They Just Keep Movin' The Line." I say her performance and not the song because, the song is just ok for me. And leads me back to a statement I feel I make again and again which is that Bombshell has two of every song. Each song should serve an individual purpose in the show and Bombshell doubles up on all of them. "National Pastime" does the same thing as that Wolf Howl song, and for that matter, also "Let's Be Bad." There are 22 songs in Bombshell-- a musical with basically no book! That's at least a seven too many, as far as I'm concerned. "They Just Keep Moving the Line" feels like one more Marilyn desperation to make it song-- and way more appropriate for Ivy to sing than Marilyn. That being said, I'm glad Ivy sang it. Which is to say, I'm glad Megan Hilty sang it. Because Megan Hilty = butter.

There are also two things tied for the worst thing about The Fallout. (There is also a long list of honorable mentions including the "Would I Lie To You" hallucination number and any moment in which Karen tries to seduce anyone, which we were tortured with again this ep.) 

The first worst is that as bitchy as theatre gets, the president of the American Theatre Wing would never kick Tom, Julia and Eileen out of a dinner. As in, order them to leave. Though, if you're going to portray the woman as a judgmental battle-ax  might as well go straight to Margo Martindale who has never played anything but a snakey, sad, judgmental battle-ax in her entire career. Kind of a weak move. And I was personally offended on behalf of the theatre community. I don't think we'd ever do that. (Anyone with stories to the contrary, please feel free to correct so I can lose that final shred of hope I had for humanity.) Worst thing number two isn't just a problem with The Fallout though. It's a long running problem. Even more than my Julia problem. I mean, at least I HATE her. At least she elicits a response with her unprofessionalism and constant wallowing victimhood. 

But Karen is the dullest thing ever served on white rice. I feel like a broke record with this. Everything with her is a case of show don't tell. They keep on and keep on telling us there's something special about her. Well, I've watched every ep and I sure don't see it. Like when they tell us a song is very good. Nope, you gotta just play the song and let us decide. Everything she sings, every line she says, Kat McPhee just drops it on the floor. She is wasting Jeremy Jordan's sizzle. I hope he continues to make fun of her for the rest of the season. She is walking particle board. Or, to just go ahead and quote Rachel Shukert,  she is "the human equivalent of one of those grocery store peaches that looks like a Cezanne but tastes like the inside of a mattress..."

But on that note, the worst worst thing about The Fallout was its ratings. Only 1.1 million viewers. Let's hope there's no yanking the show. Because I can't wait to see how Jimmy Collins thinks anything will ever happen to his music without the help of actors, directors, producers or audience members. And because what replacement masochistic method could I ever hope to find of this caliber and high production values?

Lonely But Fabulous Friday Links

What a week. Lots of changes over here. Strangely, I feel better in the wake of recent upheavals on their multiple fronts. I've been doing a lot of taking stock. And I think I've learned some good things moving forward in what I want my days to look like; the rest of my life to look like. I do this a lot, inching towards it bit by bit. Chiseling it down into something that hopefully looks like something. 

Most things have been pushing me towards going it on my own for several years now. Not on my own on my own, but a kind of autonomy or partnership with separate but equal spheres is where I'm sticking to. That's definitely when I'm happiest. I'm looking forward to all the work coming up for Steven and me. I'm looking forward to a slightly reconfigured New York trip. I'm looking forward to long morning hikes at Griffith Park and to having free mental space to finish these scripts. 

There is a luxury to being alone. And I'm going to wallow in it for a bit. 

Here are your links! Have a great weekend!

- My ol' pal Duncan Sheik's "Barely Breathing" featured in the Girls torture chamber. His reaction.
- Best article on SMASH I've ever read. It's juicy. 
- Listen to Frightened Rabbit for free before their album Pedestrian Verse comes out next week. 
- Last lines of all the 30 Rock characters. RIP 30 Rock. 
- I watched The Americans. I don't think it's going to be better than Homeland. 
- Cronin's Confessions of a Liberal Gun Owner in the NYTimes
- Speaking of Cronin, here's what he loves about Houston. 

Inauguration/MLK Day!

The Get Real Friday Links

McC and I frequently discuss the state of blogging. I still think blogging is writing. And is about ideas. (Or should be.) Not just a glorified way to hawk products or gain sponsorship or ask soul-searingly obvious questions, or give soul-searingly obvious advice. 

I suppose I just think you should be contributing something to a conversation. And asking an obvious question as substitute for a hard question isn't the same thing. I guess this is why I have a problem with a lot of (not all, but a lot of) "here's what I wore today" blogs and whatnot. 

And the line was really crossed for me with the blog mentioned below in my first link of this Friday. It's difficult for me to sum up all the reasons this is the nexus of everything that makes my stomach turn about blogging (and sort of by extension, America?) but it feels like the perfect crystallization of all that is inane and wasteful about blogging and American culture. A corporate sponsor for a braid bar. You must be joking. Every mention of the move to Paris being referred to as Paris, France. Yes, we know. I'm sure you wouldn't be flaunting a move with your two kids to Paris, Texas. 

I don't really make it a point to call people out in writing, unless it's to give kudos, but... oh man. I like my blogs with a heavy dose of the get real. I think blogs are a daily tonic of get real. Of reconciling one's ideal with their reality and making peace with that. Not some twee luxurious quirk overdose. Maybe a lot of people don't want ideas in their blogs, just pretty pictures. Maybe if I posted more pictures of my outfits or hosted more parties with corporate sponsorship, I'd have thousands and thousands of readers each day, instead of a hundred or so that I have. But I'll still with my ideas and my readers who want those, thank you very much. 

At the end of the day, I think everyone is just doing their best--- blog offenders included-- but also, please... come on...

- A Bing sponsored Braid Bar? With Letterpress braiding instructions? We've reached the lowest low with vapid blogging. 

- Speaking of inane and obvious, PippaTips mocks P. Middleton's "book."
- Famed British photographer, Rankin, is leaving LA and heading back to the UK. Take me with you!
- Las Vegas does have some wild street names. I grew up on Ramrod. Too bad it wasn't Tupac Ln.
- Still considering the white & gold version of this for my foyer. Someone talk me out of wallpaper.
- Digging a lot of this Scotch & Soda line
- A pal of mine, Chad Hartigan is rocking Sundance with this awesome review. 
- My interview for the Theological Seminary program I did as a teenager. Nice to be asked spiritual questions. 
- Argumentative fallacies I learned in high school forensics. Wish the Republican Party would read this.