the poets

Last night, I was hanging with old friends at a bar and we were looking at some of my Scottish money. Speaking of a Robert Burns note, I said, "See, they put poets on their money in Scotland." To which he replied, "Wow, you really have found your place." 


Here are some other famous Scottish poets, the 1960s freakbeat/psychadelic rock group, The Poets. Sad they never made a full album. But they're perfect for the fourth straight day of rain in Las Vegas (unheard of). I must have brought the weather from across the pond. 

the queen of pentacles

Last night, at a Christmas Party full of friends I've had for fifteen years, but many of whom I hadn't seen in years, we all had our cards read by a mystic our hostess hired. My old pal, DK and I went up together so we could hear each others'. I went first and my mind was blown. The only other time I 've felt a reading like that was right before Tigerlily was born with Adi and Emily. 


I had the Queen of Pentacles. And when she turned it over, she gasped. "Oh, honey, there's no reason in the world you shouldn't be hugely famous by now." Then she looked at my numbers again. And turned over more cards. 


She said I got out of New York at the exact right time. That I have to stop being fixated on New York because it's stopping me from being in Scotland, which is where I'm supposed to be. And that there is some reason that I've been put in a holding pattern on my two key dreams for years.


And she said that I've been returning to Scotland for many lifetimes. 


I'm reunited with Emily and Tigerlily today. Heaven. 

tiger appreciates some modern art

twenty-five hours in limbo

The three connecting flights in three countries thing is a bad idea. If you can avoid it, don't do it. I don't care how cheap it is. Just don't. There are a lot of other stats for this trip. Like 6 trams. And 3 inter-gate busses. Remember how paranoid I was about the scanning and the patdowns? I had to go through security three times. On all three flights. All three flights were delayed and my luggage was lost in Paris. I can't help but think that we're better than this. 

Aren't there algorithms that solve for everything? Didn't we just cure AIDS?  I know we're smarter than this. There has got to be someone smart enough to fix flying. 

I knew my luggage was lost as early as Atlanta because I actually had to reclaim it and go through customs and re-check in as soon as I landed in the states. I get why that is. But wow. They don't build a big enough window for you to do all this and still make your flight. After waiting for luggage that never came and waiting in the same long line to tell them I'm an American citizen with no customs claims, I ended up at gate B21 in Atlanta too late to get on my flight, even though I could see the plane on the tarmac. My dad was on that plane and I was so excited to see him.  


No Delta personnel was anywhere to help me. And at the moment where, 19 hours into my sleepless journey, I thought I couldn't take anymore, the entire gate area full of AME church congregations started up a loud, clapping rendition of "Oh, How I Love Jesus." 


Just try to imagine my face. 


Finally, I tracked someone down who told me that I couldn't get on the plane, even though it continued to sit there. He said he could fly me Vegas the next afternoon. To which, I said, "like hell you will." 


My policy to airline workers is this: smile smile charming until you cross me. I was so tired and so uncomfortable, I told him he'd better just move some stuff around and get me on the next flight. I had no luggage, no American cell phone, no way of charging any of my electronic devices that would get me in touch with anyone. And if he thought this little blonde girl with pigtails looked nice, he was sorely sorely mistaken. 


I was rerouted to the A Gates for the next flight out. And thanks to Dena, I remembered that there was Chic-fil-a in the A Gates, thus providing for the only true moment of joy all day. 


One other nice thing: I had forgotten that if you get on a West-bound plane at the right time of day, you can chase the sunset all the way home. Just about 4 straight hours on sunset. Gorgeous.


But I'll tell you what. I don't love America this much to do this again. Luckily, I've only got one connection in London on the way back. But I think I just can't do this West Coast thing. I'll do East Coast. Or West Coast if I've been on the East Coast for a bit already. But Dad said to me in the car last night, "I can see you living somewhere remote in Scotland and not flying anywhere," and I think he's right. 

My Perfect Christmas- In a Photo

Isn't this the most beautiful upright piano you've ever seen? This entire photo is my exact idea of a perfect Christmas. Growing up Buddhist with a bevy of various step families, Christmas never felt super traditional for me. The closest I ever came to what I suspected Christmas was like for everyone else were my holidays in Georgia with my grandparents, and of course, with Emily's family. I'll probably be hitting the Song house pretty hard this season as well. Especially since I have a Tigerlily addiction as serious as crack. 


This photo is actually from the Te' Chichi clothing catalogue. They're a Japanese clothing company. Pretty! Check them out while I'm flying from Edinburgh to Paris to Atlanta to Las Vegas-- don't you wish you had that schedule??? 

Anyhooo, enjoy. The website is in nihongo, so have fun with that! Tanoshkatta da ne!

Bye for Now, St Andrews

I'm really bad about endings. I hate when anything-- anything at all-- is over. From a book to a chapter of life to just a semester. I hang on to everything-- often even once I've outgrown it. 


When I handed in my stories this morning and spent the last little bit of time with my friends at North Point, I felt lonely already and ill at the idea of not seeing them for a month and half.  All of them will still be in the states for January. Meanwhile, I'll be here in St Andrews on my eight hour a day writing schedule to finish the edits on both VOTE! and Nicholas & Alexandra. Not the lure of Dad or Emily or even Tigerlily could shake away the feeling that I was actually leaving home by leaving Scotland. It's the same way I used to feel when I'd leave New York-- even for a weekend. 


I'm only in Las Vegas for 10 days and actually I can't wait to see my dad and hug Little Miss Tiger and Emily. But I'm already skipping forward to when I get back for New Year's in Edinburgh and Sara's visit and all of this phase of my life I'm just beginning to explore. 


Let's hope an evening in Edinburgh and the company of Iona will cheer my spirits. St Andrews...My People.... I'll miss you. 

something new

photo by Curtis Brown photography

Funny how even at the Lincoln Center, they'll still probably mispronounce your name. And someone will still bring a crying baby (my family karma played out, even when I'm not there. A crying baby is normally how I note that my grandfather is still keeping tabs on me from the beyond. Glad to know he was at Lincoln Center, even if I was not). Steven did a great job introducing the song. (Normally it's my job to deal with any awkward questions from the host-- if anyone was at Composer Exposure, I'm sure you remember how I had to lay down the law there.) I love the audience when he says we wrote the song on skype. 


Here's a recording of Tim singing the New Year's song we wrote. We really rock-popped it up in this version-- perfect for Tim. Though my dream is still to hear in more of a world-weary R&B style sung by a dude who's been around the block a few times. You know who else I might send this sheet music to? This guy. (I miss you, Landooner!) The sound quality of the recording is a little intense (Tim can wail) so check your volume before listening. I'm off to finish my last set of short stories for the semester. 

Here are the lyrics 

(excerpted for the blog)

"Something New"

By Ryann Ferguson & Steven Jamail

Another New Years Eve, another to let-down

Trying to catch a cab in a ten-mile range

Another night of tempting fate somewhere downtown

Trying to see if midnight will bring some real change

There's gotta be something

Something better than this.

Something more than the champagne pour and who's drunk enough to kiss

It's the only holiday where you can feel both anxious and blue

I think it's time for something better, something new

All my only sometimes-friends small-talk about resolutions 

 Mourning years that passed and time that's slipped away

How about we make some noise for New Year's Revolutions?

I'd rather count my blessings. Afterall, it's a holiday.

There's gotta be something

Something brighter than this.

Something more than the champagne pour and the chance to reminisce

I've raised my glass to change before, but this time it feels true

I'm ready for something better, something new

 When one ball drops, I'll lift another up,

 Take control of what fills my soul-- more than what fills my cup

 I'll wake up to a kind of dawn that I've never dreamt before
There's so much a new year can restore

Try to find something

Something braver than this

Something more than the dull roar of auld lang syne amiss

I've raised my glass in hope before but this time it feels true

I'm ready for something better, something new

today feels like this

My friend Morgan sent me the most awesome care package before I left for Scotland. In addition to awesome knitted scarves and hats for the frigid weather, he sent a notebook for ideas and two mix CDs. So I have him to thank for introducing me to Allie Moss and this song, "Corner." Which anyone who's ever heard me talk about Buddhism knows I talk about corners a lot. This song sort of turns what I always say about corners on its ear. I'm a fan of that. It's a great song for today. 

late-breaking VOTE! news

photo by Curtis Brown Photography

Hey baby birds. Great news here in Scotland. Remember how I've always wanted the chance to ACTUALLY workshop VOTE! before we had to put up the show? Well Merry Christmas to me and Steven because we're going to workshop the show here at St Andrews. 


We've been hard at work on cool new changes to the show and we're itching to see what they'll look and sound like when we put everything back together. So in February and March (to coincide with the apparently crazy-serious elections here) we're going to do a month long workshop of the show with students. 


I'll talk a bit about the musical development process, dramaturgical things, why we've made the changes we've made, etc. And we'll read, discuss, I'll edit and then we'll come back in a few days and look again. It will culminate in a production, but guess who WON'T have to produce it for once-- ME! 


I was looking at some old blog footage from when I used to make all those silly blogs a few years ago, and it turns out, I may actually be psychic. Did I predict VOTE! in Scotland? I just might have. 


More information is forthcoming if you're in St Andrews and would like to be a part of the VOTE! workshop in any way. We won't just need actors and wailing singers. Even if you just want to learn all that goes into developing a new musical, this will be for you. 

some opera for your monday

Everything I know about opera, (which still isn't much) I learned from my college room mate, Sasha Cooke. She's literally God's gift to modern opera, as far as I'm concerned. Because while I find most music beautiful and engaging, with opera, I've always felt a bit on the outside (and my only writing award to date is an opera prize for an aria-- hilarious). I wasn't in the storm, I was just watching the snow globe. 


Until I started to see Sasha in things. Not only is she just the most amazing mezzo soprano, but she is truly a first rate actress. She's so nuanced. I have lots of funny stories from those days we spent as 18 year olds. I'll refrain from telling my favorites so as not to embarrass her here. But I'm so glad we were able to spend time together while we both lived in New York. It was a joy to share in her celebrations with her: from Hansel and Gretel to Dr Atomic to her wedding! 


She was so so stunning as Kitty Oppenheimer in Dr Atomic at the Met. (Talk about inspirational! The lead in a new opera at the Met at 26!) She was the most alive. She was the only splash of color-- magenta against so many browns and earth tones-- and she was the sensual heart of a piece of music about science and horror (that, to my taste, never built to anything). Sadly, there's not much video of just her from Dr Atomic. But these videos will give you the idea. Many criticized Penny Woolcock's staging, but I found it (along with Sasha) to be the most appealing parts of the show.

For a full idea of her loveliness, the Kennedy Center has her whole concert, she sings a song from our bullfighter musical right here, and here is her "Sandman" Aria from Hansel & Gretel that aired on PBS (and on the big screen!) It was and still is a joy. The details! 

iona has her own blanket

Do you know about Anta? It's gorgeous. It's crazy expensive. And one day, I'll decorate my whole house in it I think. In case you're loaded, check it out for holiday shopping. There's even an Iona Macdonald blanket-- in honor of our birthday girl. (Who, by the way, dreamt last night that I was driving us home from the bar last night. I don't think I need to list to you guys all the many reasons why I am the worst candidate to drive us all home. [pps- we didn't actually drive. we walked.])

cover loving

Headed out to the Edinburgh Farmer's Market with Iona & Co. Then on a mission for some socks and some sonnets. Then tea with an old eccentric aunt with Iona and her cousin Torcuil, who is a birder. With an overactive writer imagination, I have an idea in my mind what a birder does and I'm guessing it's probably wrong. Either way,  I'm gonna find out exactly what that entails. While I'm on that mission, here is some lovely Sara Bareilles covering the man himself, Otis. Oh how I love Otis. Happy Saturday. Very Happy indeed. 

top 10 of of '10- novels!

Novels were the hardest- not narrowing down- because I'm still actually amazed that I read 10 novels that came out in 2010,  (I guess grad school actually helps with that). But I was concerned with ranking them. In reality, I wanted a 3 way tie for first. But here goes, my top ten novels of 2010. 

10. Dead in the Family- Charlaine Harris

Okay, these aren't great books. But I love True Blood so much, and miss it so dearly when it's not on TV, that I read the books during the huge gaps between. 

9. Super Sad True Love Story- Gary Shteyngart

a loaner from a friend at St Andrews, it's a bit wacky, but I like any world where you can college major in "Images" and minor in "Assertiveness."

8. The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet- David Mitchell

I love David Mitchell. Everyone told me this was a reinvention and it was. But give me remote islands and Japanese culture: sold. 

7. The New Yorker Stories- Ann Beattie

Actually short stories of hers that appeared in The New Yorker from 1974-2006. (I'm including it, since I read many of them actually in the New Yorker.)

6. Room- Emma Donahue

A lovely kindle read. I love stories about children. And the challenges of confined space.

5. The Infinities- John Banville

After this, and The Sea, I will read anything by John Banville. You bring in those Greek myths, John. 

4. A Visit From the Good Squad- Jennifer Egan

I didn't think a mixed-media novel could work, but Jenny Egan is just that good. Novel in short stories, you rock my world. Especially the one about Sasha's uncle in Italy. 

3. The Imperfectionists- Tom Rachman

I actually think this book is damn near perfect. I've since heard some less than flattering stories about its author, but I will love that book forever. I would love to write a book that slim and funny and wonderful. 

2. Freedom- Jonathan Franzen

I literally switched the order around 5 times. I feel like I have a good reason to bring this book up in conversation every day. I mean, I'm going to write my phd thesis on it, so I think that will tell you a bit about the level of love. Franzen's ability to perfectly observe neuroses is unmatched. I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone in this book, but I loved every one of them. 

1. The Passage- Justin Cronin

I love this book not just for what it is, but what it represents, and the promise of more to come. Success in writing is pretty elusive, and most of the time seems kind of arbitrary. Justin is the big shining example of the opposite. That critical, financial, and popular success can all land on the same-- really nice, really talented, really awesome-- person. His daughter (one of my all-time favorite babysitting kids) dared my professor to write a book that wasn't boring-- a book about a girl who saves the world. Instead, he wrote three. I can't wait for The Twelve to come out! 

Have a great weekend! I'm off to Edinburgh to celebrate the birth of Iona!

any human heart

My newest television diversion (I know some of you are just now able to view Downton Abbey in the States) is Any Human Heart. Based on the 2002 book by Scottish novelist, William Boyd, and superbly cast, it's my new obsession (procrastination). 


I actually think I am enjoying it more so than the book. There are a couple of repetitive devices that are getting a little wearisome by the third episode, and I do feel like they allow Matthew MacFadyen to do a lot of the heavy-lifting, but on the whole, lovely. And afterall, why NOT let Matthew MacFadyen do the heavy lifting? He is just charming charming charming. 


For those of you who liked the Pillars of the Earth adaptation, this is a big ol' reunion of that. So, get on this show, stat. It seems like you can watch it in the states, too. And if you're on this side of the pond and have yet to start, check it out on channel 4. 

new kind of new year

I was awake very late last night skyping with Steven to finish our holiday song for the Lincoln Center Songbook Holiday Concert. Stanley Wayne Mathis is singing the song (swoon) which is not about Christmas, but New Year's Eve. And what happened last night while I was revising the song from a younger person's point of view to a more mature person's point of view made me think... "This. This is why I love songwriting."


I changed one line-- one word, really-- and it cast a new light on all the previous lyrics. It made them better. It turned the song into a kind of holiday song I don't think people have heard too many of before. Instead of being a bit of a tongue and cheek about how New Year's Eve is always this big anticlimactic production and the longing for something that's actually exhilarating, it's now a song about a sober person trying to stay that way on New Year's Eve. 


When I sent it back to Steven, I was nervous (but secretly, I knew he'd dig it. That's what happens when you've been working together for a decade.) He sang through it and then typed, "Whoa. You're right. It just turns." It's amazing how it gets to the point where it even stops being your song (or story or play) and just starts being the song it wants to be. It became something with its own soul and the ability to just break my heart. Because I could imagine who this character Stanley would play in the song is and what he'd been through. The story didn't belong to me anymore, but to the character who will sing it. That's the magic. 


If you're in NYC on December 13th, head to beautiful Lincoln Center and see for yourself. It's free!


What still is my story is everything that happened during this watershed year. Thanks to fancy facebook technology, I can remember through all my updates throughout 2010. Here's to 2011!

can now die happy

Nothing needs to ever happen to me again. Ever. Duncan + Depeche Mode "Stripped" = I can die happy now. Sometimes, I really do feel like Duncan can read my mind. This musical baby is really an ideal match for me. I had the actual EP (it's only a physical CD- no download option) shipped to me in Scotland, and I've been listening on repeat. Meant to share earlier, but I suppose I was coveting it a bit (love the ones featuring uber-fave Rachael Yamagata: Tears For Fears' "Shout" and The Cure's "Kyoto Song"- both are on Dunc's myspace.)


But "Stripped" feels like the day I found out about Cake Shop on the lower east side. A bar that sells cake? Cake & Beer & cookies? In the same place? It's just a sign the world knows I'm here. And that I'm listening. Let's just be honest. Nobody this side of 1989 (or...ever) mixes synth and strings like Duncan. It's heaven. You, too, can know this joy by purchasing the EP here.

And Happy Birthday, Miss Iona!

something dreamy for your monday

It's snowing again here. Surprise, right? I think I'd like to live in this commercial for a bit right about now. Audrey apparently made over four million dollars for this Chanel No. 5 Ad shot by Amelie director Jean Pierre Jeunet. I think I'll go daydreaming on this orient express train or sail to Capri. I'll be back later today. Don Paterson is going to tell us how to get published today. We'll see how that goes... hope you have a great Monday. 

Gorgeous Prints of Hadley Hutton

I don't even know how I found this etsy shop, but hadleyhutton has the most beautiful prints I think I've ever seen. They are making this romantic Sunday of reading for me, and since the sun is finally out in Scotland, I think I'm headed for a walk on the Lade Braes to see a few pretty birds of my own. 

below the beltway- tonight!

Americans, tune in today/tonight on TMC for the premiere of the lovely and treasured Miss Haviland's new film, Below the Beltway, with hotties, Tate Donovan and Noah Wylie. (I am having major crush flash-backs to my pre-teen years.)


It's been blowing up the scene at like a million film festivals and now it's headed all the way to those beacons of quality programming at the Showtime family. I mean, they're the network of Dexter. Need I say more? 


I've seen a lot of Hav's scenes and she has a really cushy part as Tate Donovan's assistant and looks radiant on film-- as always. Check it out if you have TMC. Starts at 5:50PM Pacific/ 8:50 Eastern. 


In case you can't watch tonight, here's the full schedule from Showtime.


Check out this ominous voiceover man:

how to make a snowman

In case you were wondering how we made that feat of snow-building last week, I put together this little how-to video (featuring some instrumental music from VOTE! [duh]). The real trick is to not force anything. You can't keep packing it on there, you just have to roll it. We made a little family--which people at Deans Court subsequently defaced the next morning-- but nevertheless, it was fun.


This is the last Fergie & Fife type video I'm going to post with the Ferguson & Jamail youtube account though. I've been muddy-ing the waters and I don't want that. So I'm going to make an account just for the blog, so lovely subscribers, please also consider subscribing here.


Hope you have a glorious weekend! Here are some fun links in case you're bored waiting for the weekend to start already. 

I want this coat so bad, it hurts. Literally, it's so cold, I'm in pain

Morality in Fiction

10 Years since Bush v. Gore. Sigh.

Plenty of bad reviews, but I still want to see Black Swan

McC posted this a while ago. I still agree. Still want the mug. 

I challenge you to listen to "Song I Never Wrote for You" and not cry

get it, jeremy

Our dear Jeremy Jordan, late of Tony in West Side Story, is killing it as Clyde in the Broadway bound Bonnie & Clyde. In person, when we're not scheming multi-million dollar schemes for contact lenses that make you blind, I can tell you that he has a very alarming gaze. It's unsettling. I confess, I have a soft spot for Laura Osnes as well. For more of his sick sick talent, check out him riffing in the "In Your Name" trio from Nicholas & Alexandra we recorded this summer. Hot sauce.

the jezebels

Thursday is normally my class all day day, but due to the continued inclement weather, most of them have been cancelled. So I'm working on another short story and trying to avoid watching yet another costume drama on box of broadcasts (did you know there's a documentary on the history of the costume drama? Yeah, I watched it.) 


Here is a little Australian band, The Jezebels. Totally derivative? Yes. Do I like them anyhow? Yes. Am I allowed to like a band based on their artwork alone? Either way, I do. Now back to trying to stay warm. Please send socks. I wear 3 pairs every day. Enjoy.

I Say Amazing a Lot

I realize that I over-use the word amazing. Oh well. Sometimes, it's just true. This past weekend was definitely one of the more fun since I've been here. It was great to have Iona here celebrating the St Andrews Festival with us. The fireworks on Saturday night were genuinely beautiful, despite the biting weather. Iona even taught me some dances at the Ceilidh (no small feat-- I'm a terrible dancer). I wish I had been able to get a picture of all the fireworks that were just suspended in water along the harbor, but I did make this video. Enjoy! And- Happy December!